


I Know What You Did Last Summer

by drizzyfinn



Series: waves [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Cheating, F/M, Gay Will Byers, M/M, Multi, bad mike, sad el
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-03-21 16:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13744599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drizzyfinn/pseuds/drizzyfinn
Summary: She knows dirty secrets that I keep.Another's hands have touched my skin but I won't tell her where I've been.orMike does something unforgivable but El can't bring herself to confront him.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> INSP. by the song, 'IKWYDLS' by Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello

**El**

I never meant to let it get this far. But we were happy and I didn't want to let go of that right away. He's my soulmate, my true love, my forever...Right?

 _Wrong_. So wrong.

Michael Wheeler, the boy with floppy hair, numerous freckles, gorgeous brown eyes, and sweaters that make him look like he's from the eighties.

So odd, yet, so perfect.

He captured my heart at age twelve.

He gave me his at age thirteen.

He loved my heart at age fourteen.

He said he loved at age fifteen.

He _loved_ me at age sixteen.

He broke my heart at age seventeen.

I love him at age eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST WORK ON HERE WOAHH. So yeah I suck i'm sorry but i had to get this idea out of my head so here we areeeee
> 
> enjoy my bros


	2. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: drizzy-finn

**Mike**

"Look, Jenna, I have to go. If I'm late then El is gonna get suspicious about where I am. I can't keep saying that my mom is making me late." I gently pushed her naked body off of me and began to grab my clothes.

"Why don't you just break up with her already? Then we can do this without any guilt in the way." She crawled seductively across the bed and started to kiss my neck again.

I pushed her away. "I can't break up with her. One, her father is the chief and will shoot me dead. Two, I...I still love her." I put on my shirt and started to exit her room.

"Mike," she called out. I turned around,"If you love her so much, then why have you been doing this for so long with me?" I opened my mouth to reply but instead turned back and made my way out of her house.

I can't remember exactly when this all started. I just remember one day I was pissed and drunk and Jenna was there and stuff just happened. She made me feel better, more relaxed. 

I love El, I really do. But for some reason...she's been distant. She pulls back quicker from my hugs, kisses; she's pushing me away. She says her, "I love you's" really quietly and fast. I don't feel her love anymore. But I can't break up with her. It's too hard. I don't want to put myself through that. 

I drove quickly back home, showered, changed, and left to go to the restaurant. I looked around and saw El on her phone near the left. I smiled and walked to her.

I kissed her cheek, "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to get gas." I sat across from her and looked at her, admiring her beauty.

She smiled, "It's all good. I was just texting my dad asking if he wanted me to bring anything home." Her phone vibrated against the table. She looked down then looked back up, "I guess he doesn't want anything." She waited a moment before breaking the silence again. "So...How was the past few days? I haven't seen you in a while." She chuckled.

My mind flashed back over the past couple of days.

_Waking up. Going to work. Going to Jenna's. Going home. Repeat._

I looked down at the menu to try and hide any guilt that could show on my face. _What kind of boyfriend am I?_ "It's, uh, been fine. Little stressed because they gave me a lot of papers at work so that's why I've been gone the past few days." I looked up at her, "I  _promise_ I'll try and get out early so I can spend more time with you. I know I keep missing out and it sucks."

 _I'm a horrible boyfriend. I missed all her dance performances, poetry readings, and our karaoke nights._  

I knew that once I  _promised_ her that I would try I knew I couldn't back out. "Promise" had always been our thing since we were twelve. We have this kind of code for the two of us so that when we promise something, we can never break it.  _You've already broken all your promises, Wheeler._

"That would be great. I miss you, a lot." She reached over and grabbed my hand, intertwining them. "Dad says I keep moping around the house whenever you don't stop by." 

Our food arrived, ruining the moment, but we dug in and fell into a comfortable silence. Once we finished and I paid, we left the restaurant and decided to take a quick walk around the neighborhood because the sun was just starting to set. We found a bench right in front of the sunset and sat down, her head resting on my shoulder.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" She said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah...it really is." I kissed the top of her head.

_I'm horrible. I'm breaking her heart every time I see Jenna. I'm hurting her. I need to end it. I can't keep doing whatever I'm doing with Jenna. I need to tell El too. I need to be honest with her. Friends don't lie; especially not boyfriends._

"El-" I started

She interrupted me, "-Mike...I, uh, need to tell you something. Oh, sorry, did you wanna go first?"

 _It can wait._ I shook my head. 

"Mike...I'm, uh..." She waited a moment then started again, "I just love you. Like, a lot. And I miss you, I really miss you." I felt a few of her tears fall on my hand and I turned to her to pick her up and sit her on my lap.

"I  _love_ you. So, so, so much. I hate being away from you. I miss seeing you getting frustrated over small things. I miss hearing you sing and seeing you dance around the living room. I miss everything with you. With senior year and the job I've been really busy but, like I said earlier, I _promise_ to make more time for you. You're my first priority."

She sniffled, "Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great." she said quietly.

 *********************************

I dropped off El a few hours ago at her house then headed back home. I said a, "hi" and a, "bye" to my mom before going up to my room and plopping down onto my bed face first.

_You've really fucked up this time, Wheeler._

_Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious._

Deciding that I should probably get some sleep, I changed and went under the covers. After hours of just tossing and turning, I knew I had to call someone to help me out on this.

I can't call any of my friends, Lucas, Dustin, Will, and Max because then they would have to lie to El too and we all hate that.

I can't wake up my mom because I know that once she hears about Jenna, all I'll hear for the rest of the night is a lecture on how I am an idiot.

_There's one person you can call._

_No, oh my god, she'd hate me._

_But after hating you she'll help you._

After fighting with myself in my head for a few more minutes, I decided I probably should call her.

Nancy, my older sister, lives with my dad in Chicago. He left my mom about 5 years ago, taking Nancy and leaving me with my mom and little sister, Holly. I was never really close with Nancy when we all lived together since she's 5 years older than me. Around the time that they left I was 13, which made Nancy 18. She was more interested in boys and teen magazines and makeup stuff. But, once her and my dad moved to Chicago, we called each other more and started talking more. Every other year she'll come here to Indiana and celebrate Christmas with us and all the other years Holly and I go visit her and my dad and celebrate Christmas with them. Or more so,  _Holly_ spends Christmas with them and I sit in a corner invisible. But, Nancy and I made a promise to call each other once a week at least and talk for about an hour.

_Here goes nothing._

I picked up my phone and called her, the dialing tones making me more anxious with every ring. 

"Mike? It's 2 am here which means it's 3 am there. What's up? Why aren't you sleeping like a normal child?" She said, sounding very awake.

"Nance, the normal child never sleeps. But...I needed your help with something."

"Sure what's up?"

"Promise me you won't judge? Or hate me? Or give me a long ass lecture?"

"Uh...I promise. But what did you do? This sounds really bad."

"I, um, I-I-I cheated on El. And I fucked up really bad. I-I keep being late to our dates and missing some of our important days because sometimes I accidentally fell asleep at this other girls place."

There was silence for what felt like hours but in reality was only a minute.

Finally, Nancy decided to speak again, "I-I can't Mike. I have to give you a small verbal beating on this."

Knowing that I deserved it, I let her continue. "Go ahead, I know I need to hear it."

"You idiot! El is the best thing that has ever happened to you since...well ever! How could you do this to her? Why did you do this? For Christ's sake, Mike! She's the daughter of the  _fucking chief of police!_ He owns a shotgun and you know very damn well he knows how to use it!"

"I-I know I messed up, Nance! I don't even remember how it started! But all I know now is that I regret it. I regret it all and I wish I could take it back."

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long has this thing between you and this girl been going on?"

I mumbled quietly into the phone, "About a year."

"What did you say?" Nancy said every word slowly. 

"About a year," I said it louder this time.

" _Jesus fucking Christ!_ Mike, what the fuck?"

"I know, goddammit Nancy! I know I messed up! Please, please,  _please_ help me."

"You know you have to tell El right?"

"Yeah."

"And you  _definitely_ need to stop whatever you're doing with the other girl."

"I know. But I don't know how I'm supposed to do all this!"

"You do know that once you tell El...You're never going to get her back."

I blinked at the realization.  _What kind of person would still want to be in a relationship with someone who cheats? I know I wouldn't._ I sighed, "I know."

She sighed in return, "So first, end what you're doing with the girl. If she protests, stand your ground, think of El as the goal and make sure that this girl knows that. When that's all done, you do the hard part, tell El. You want to make it easy for her so do it somewhere she can probably drive or run really quickly back to her place. But don't do it at her place. She probably knows where Hopper keeps his secret stash of armed weapons."

I let it all sink in. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. "Ok, Nance. Thanks."

"You're welcome. But Mike-"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry but I'm really disappointed." I heard a beep and knew that she hung up on me. 

I went to bed, sleeping only for a few hours. I went to sleep knowing what I had to do tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn that was honestly kind of short im sorry. im tryin harder to make it long but i cant really do that with this first chapter because it's all set up right adn no action type thang goin on. but here's the first chap to my new story. LETS HOPE THIS SHIT DONT FLOP.
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY.


	3. El

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: drizzy-finn

**El**

"Dad, please, I hate going to these appointments alone. Please don't leave me by myself." I pleaded my dad, tears welling up in my eyes.

"El, hon, you're eighteen. You need to go by yourself. I know you hate the doctor's but I have to go to work. I've already missed way too many days the past month. Besides, you could always, I don't know,  _tell your boyfriend,_ and ask him to go with you." He gave me that look and I looked down in defeat.

"I can't tell him, not yet. But I swear, I'm about to! I almost told him yesterday!"

"What do you mean, _'almost'_?" He made air quotes.

"I almost said it, then I got scared and didn't."

"Oh my god, El. You need to tell him soon!" Dad grabbed his hat and left the house.

I ran out onto the porch, "I will!" I heard the Blazer drive off and went back inside.

I went back to my room, grabbed my laptop, and laid back on my bed. I went to Netflix and started watching whatever shows I could find. Before I knew it, it was already time for me to leave.

I grabbed my keys, got in my car, and started the 30-minute drive to hell. I played my "angry music" playlist and shouted all the lyrics to every song.

I pulled up to the hospital, parked my car, and stared out the window.

_Why do I have to keep doing this? Why me? I don't want this._

I sighed and finally got out of the car. I walked inside to the office and checked in with the receptionist at the front desk. I've been here so much in the past two months that she already knows me by face and name. She saw me walk in and immediately started typing, probably telling all the nurses I'm here already. She gave me my receipt and I sat down in one of the chairs. I slumped in my seat, already knowing that I'm going to hate today. 

_Maybe I should text Mike in the meantime, he's probably not doing anything today._

I pulled out my phone and looked for his contact.

_To: Mouthbreather <3  
Hey loser._

Mouthbreather had always been an inside joke for us. We were watching TV one day and one of the characters said that a mouthbreather was an idiot who said dumb stuff all the time. I remember I turned to him and called him one and he said I was the bigger mouthbreather and ever since we've always used it as a joke.

In less than a minute my phone vibrated a heartbeat (his vibration is a heartbeat because whenever he texts. "I'll always answer in a heartbeat." I know its cheesy; sue me).

_Fr: Mouthbreather <3  
hi baby._

_To: Mouthbreather <3  
im bored. what u doin?_

_Fr: Mouthbreather <3  
laying in my bed. thinking bout you_

_To: Mouthbreather <3  
you're such a sap_

_Fr: Mouthbreather <3  
a sap for you my babygirl_

I blushed violently, he knows that word drives me completely crazy. 

"Eleanor Hopper?" She spotted me and walked over to me. "We're ready for you in the back. Same room as always." She gave me a smile and then proceeded to tell the next person in the waiting room that they're ready.

_To: Mouthbreather <3  
_ _gotta go babe. at the doctor's today. :(_

I walked to the back and went to my usual room here. I sat on the bed and waited for the doctor to come in. My phone vibrated.

_Fr: Mouthbreather <3  
is your dad with you? do you want me to come? I know you hate the doctor's office. I'm at a thing right now but I can leave. _

My heart dropped at the last sentence.  _I'm at a thing right now but I can leave._ He thinks I don't know already. He's with Jenna, and I'd bet money that I'm right. He doesn't think I know the real reasons he skips our special days and is late to our dates. He thinks I'm stupid enough to believe every excuse he throws my way. 

I know that Mike's been cheating on me. I've known since six months ago; around the same time when I was first diagnosed. But...I love him too much to let him go. With all that's going on right now, I  _need_ him. I  _need_ whatever love he has for me. I can't live without it. I can't say it doesn't hurt though. It hurts like hell. It hurts to know that he's out with some other girl who's making him happy. It hurts to know that I don't make him happy anymore, to know that I'm not satisfying enough for him.

So I don't tell him that I know. I don't tell him that I'm dying inside...Literally.

There were two knocks on the door, signaling that Dr. Owens was here. "El? You in here?"

"Yeah, Dr. Owens. I'm here."

He walked inside and took a seat on the rolling chair in front of the sink. "How are you feeling today?"

"Breathtaking," I said in a monotone voice. He already knows how much I hate this place.

"Ok, EL, I know how much you hate this but please don't joke about it. Stage 3 lung cancer is not to be taken as a joke."

"Let me do what I want, I'm gonna die anyway." He sighed and continued on with the normal exam.

My dad first took me to the hospital after two weeks of me complaining of pain. I don't blame him, we both thought it was indigestion or soreness. But then during one of our morning runs, I couldn't breathe and fainted. He called 911 and they arrived in a few minutes. At the hospital, they put me on an oxygen tank and they told me I was out for about 7 hours. They said they took C.T's, X-rays, and so many more medical things. That was the day I was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer. I have been doing chemo and radiation ever since.

I feel like I've been doing this for my whole life when in reality it's only been months. They did say that the more we go on I'm going to start to feel more tired and lose my appetite. Which has happened and it's getting harder to explain to everyone. So far, the only people who know are the doctors, my dad, my mom and sister (who live in California), Joyce (step-mom), and Will, my best friend and step-brother. Will hates that I told him because that means he has to keep it a secret from everyone else too. I assured him though that this would only be for the meantime. 

"Okay, El, we're going to take you down to chemo now. Are you okay?" He looked very concerned.

_I'm slowly dying but I'm fine._ I raised my eyebrows at him, "I've been doing this for months, I'm fine."

He walked me to the chemo room where there were many others receiving it. I sat next to one of my only friends in here. Her name is Michelle, Shelly for short, and she's 11.

"El! Hi!" She gave me a smile so big that it melted the hard exterior I've had on all day today.

I rubbed the top of her head, "Hey, Shelly. How are you doing today?"

"I'm good. What about you? What about Mike?"

When I first met her we both hated sitting in this room. I sat next to her and gave her a small hello. Then, my dad came in asking if I wanted him to call Mike. I told him no and we got into a very quiet argument about it. Shelly, since she was right next to me, heard everything and asked about him.

_"Who's Mike?" The little girl next to me asked._

_"None of your business," I told her rudely. I saw her flinch and immediately felt bad. "Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Mike is my boyfriend."_

_"Why won't you tell him that you're sick? I told everyone I know I was sick."_

_"I don't want him to know yet because I'm scared he won't be my friend anymore."_

_"You should tell him. All my friends are still friends with me. Actually, when I told them, they all brought me ice cream the next day."_

_And from there, our conversation grew and we learned a lot about each other._

_I found out that a year ago, Shelly was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I'm not worried about her though. I heard that the survival rate is 70-80% in children._ But you never know what could happen. 

_I also found out that Shelly's dad died when she was younger from the same cancer, AML. He died when she was only 4. Her mom moved to a smaller city, Hawkins, about an hour and a half from where I live, and found a job there. When Shelly was diagnosed, she told me her mom struggled and was crying a lot. But she got herself together and used some of the money her dad had left and has been using that to help pay the bills. I was crying while she was telling her story and she used her small little hands to wipe away my tears._

_I already know that this girl is definitely going to be a great impact on my life._

I smiled at the memory, "I haven't told him yet. I almost did last night on our date but chickened out."

"Chicken! Chicken! Ellie's a chicken!" She told everyone while making small chicken-like movements. 

"Ok, ok, I'm a chicken. Are we done with this topic?"

"Ok fine." She dragged out the 'e' in fine which proved to me that we were  _definitely_ not done with the topic.

"How 'bout you, missy? Did you tell Aaron you have a big, fat  _crush_ on him?" I stuck my tongue out at her and laughed when her face turned a bright red.

"Leave me alone, El! And I  _do not_ have a crush on him!" She made a cute pouty face.

I gasped, "What if you're... _in love_ with him?"

"EL!" I laughed really hard when she yelled my name. Then, one of the nurses came by to put the needles into my arm.

I sighed, "My favorite time of these days."

"Ellie, tell me about your date last night! Did you kiss him?" Her eager voice made me chuckle.

_I miss that innocence and happiness._

"Well, of course, I kissed him! I can't look at his cute face and  _not_ kiss him! But anyways, we ate dinner at this fancy restaurant and then walked around and watched the sunset."

"That sounds like the movies!" She squealed.

"It sure was. Now, tell me all about the school dance! I want to see pictures!" I saw her pull out her phone and scroll through it.

She showed me a picture of her sitting in her wheelchair wearing a blue dress with pink polka dots on it. "I wore this and my mom bought this wig with short, wavy hair. My friend, Carla, did my makeup! She put this thing called eyeshadow on my eyes and it made it really sparkly! My mom let me borrow her lipgloss and it made me look so pretty!"

I teared up a little watching her scroll through the pictures of her and her friends at the school dance. "You looked beautiful! Wow, did you have fun?"

"Yeah, it was hard to dance in a wheelchair but I made it work! I was, like, the center of attention for forever!" I laughed and kissed the top of her head.

"You deserve to be."

Ever since I met Shelly I've treated her like the little sister I wish I had. It's hard not having my older sister, Sara, with me anymore. I've missed having someone to scream lyrics with and talk boys with. But Shelly, not like she's replacing Sara, has helped with the pain of her being gone a lot.

We spent the last half hour together talking about celebrities and TV shows we both watch. I loved every minute.

******************************************

"Dad! You said you'd be here half an hour ago!" I screamed into my phone.

"I know! I'm sorry the bus was late! I swear I'm on my way now." He whisper-yelled into the phone.

"Ugh." I ended the call and sat on the curb, tired from standing for 30 minutes.

"Hey, you need a ride?" A man's voice said from behind me.

I turned to see a man with brown hair, green eyes and wearing a trench coat. "Um, no I'm good. My dad's coming soon."

"Can I wait with you?"

"Sure, I guess, why?"

"You look lonely and you're really pretty so I just wanted to...I don't really know but I'll wait with you."

"Just don't try and hit on me."

"Why?"

"I have a boyfriend." The tone of my voice must have sounded sad or upset because the next thing I knew, this guy was hugging me.

"You sound sad about it so I won't hit on you  _now,_ but when it ends I'll be around." My eyes widened as he said that.

I scoffed, "I don't even know your name."

He stuck out his hand, "Charles. I prefer Charlie." I shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Charlie, I'm Eleanor. I prefer El."

"Nice to meet you too, El, can I get your number?"

"Promise not to somehow stalk me with it?"

"Mm, can't make a promise like that. I promise to  _try_ not to stalk you somehow with it."

I laughed, "Good enough I guess." I gave him my number and he gave me his.

We talked and laughed until my dad came and picked me up.

"El! C'mon let's go to the car!" He yelled from the bus stop.

"Guess that's my cue to leave. Bye, Charlie." I told him as I grabbed my stuff.

"Bye, El. I'll text you later." He gave me a wink and I blushed.

I met my dad at my car and handed him the keys.

"So...Who's that?" Dad asked.

"Just a guy who waited with me while I was waiting for you," I said nonchalantly.

"You and Mike are still together right?" He asked, and I knew exactly what I was asking.

"Dad!" I smacked his arms, "I can't believe you think I would do that." I meant to say it in a joking way but we both knew that there was some truth to it.

"I'm just saying, Ellie. Just be careful, okay? I don't need him getting all angry and shit over something small. I was in that position with Joyce once. The difference is, she ended up marrying the guy." 

"I wouldn't do that to Mike."

"Yeah, kid, you love each other. Maybe that's why I'm not so worried about having to pull out my shotgun everytime he comes around."

"Haha, yeah, no worries."

_If only he knew._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COOL this is kinda longer than the last chapter. but heYO WHADDA YA THINK OF EL.
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY MY FRIENDS


	4. Mike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same day as Chapter 3, but Mike's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: drizzy-finn
> 
> on my tumblr i post teasers for the next chapter, when i'm posting the next chapter, and cute pictures of finn wolfhard because why not.
> 
> SHARE THIS STORY!
> 
> leave a comment bout anything dudes i respond to pretty much everything

**Mike**

"Okay, Mike, you can do this. Just tell her that whatever is going on needs to stop. Tell her...Tell her that she's great but that you have a girlfriend. Yeah...Yeah just go from there." 

I've been sitting in my car, outside of Jenna's house, for about an hour right now. For a whole hour, I've been talking to myself trying to think of what to say to break up with someone I wasn't even dating.

_You really are a fucking loser, Mike._

All of a sudden, I heard my phone vibrate a heartbeat, meaning El text me (because "I'll always answer in a heartbeat." Cheesy, I know, sue me).

_Fr: My baby <3  
Hey loser. _

I smiled at the text.  _She can always manage to make my heart beat ten times faster._ I texted her back immediately; smile on my face.

_To: My baby <3  
hi baby._

_Fr: My baby <3  
im bored. what u doin?_

Well, I obviously can't tell her where I am.  _Guess I have to lie...again._

_To: My baby <3  
laying in my bed. thinking bout you._

_Fr: My baby <3  
you're such a sap_

_To: My baby <3  
a sap for you my babygirl._

She didn't answer for another few minutes so I figured I should probably go and get this Jenna thing over with. I opened the car door and stepped out and felt the heartbeat vibration agian.

_Fr: My baby <3  
gotta go babe. at the doctor's today. :(_

_She hates doctors. You have to ask if she's okay. That's what good boyfriends do._

_To: My baby <3  
is your dad with? do you want me to come? I know you hate the doctor's office. I'm at a thing right now but I can leave._

As soon as I sent the text I realized my mistake.  _You. Fucking. Idiot. You just said you're at a thing but a few minutes ago you said you're laying in bed. She's probably thinking about what a lying asshole of a boyfriend you are._

I pushed the thought out of my mind; trying to ignore the likely possibility that El would catch my lie. I finally walked up to Jenna's door and knocked.

A few seconds later the door opened and there she was, standing in only her underwear, "Hi, Mikey! Come in, baby." 

I averted my eyes to the frames behind her, "Can you put on a shirt or something? Please?" From the corner of my eye, I saw her frown and turn to her room; returning with a crop top on.

 _Better than nothing I guess_. I looked at her in the eye and started the speech I've been preparing for over an hour, "Ok, Jenna, whatever we're doing needs to stop. I love El and I can't keep hurting her like this. You're an amazing girl and I'm sure there's someone out there who-"

"Mike," She interrupted, "It's fine."

I was shocked.  _It's fine? How can it be fine?_ I stared at her blankly for a few seconds before speaking again. "What do you mean, 'it's fine.'" I made air quotes.

"It's fine because even though we're stopping this," She gestured to the both of us, "I know that once you tell her; she's gonna break up with you. And when she breaks up with you...Well, you'll be coming straight back to me. This isn't my first time at the rodeo, Mikey." Her index finger trailed from my chest to the buckle of my belt. I gulped, loudly, and averted my eyes back to the frames behind her.

"Ok then...It's fine, it's all fine. Um, see you around, Jenna." I turned quickly and left her house, sprinting back to my car. I got inside my car and just sat there for a few minutes.

After letting all that just happened to me sink in, I realized that I forgot to check if El texted back about her appointment. I pulled out my phone turning it on only to see El's beautiful face on the screen.  _Guess she already went to her appointment. I'm sure Hopper is with her._

I started my car and drove back home. I called work this morning telling them that I was sick so I was free for the rest of the day. I spent it laying in bed criticizing myself.

_You're a piece of shit, Michael. You cheat on your girlfriend. You treat her like shit. You don't deserve someone as pure and caring as her. You don't deserve to have anyone after what you've done. Why? Why risk the only good thing in your life? For what? A fuck with a girl that's not your girlfriend. Correction, a guilty-filled, no good, disgusting fuck with someone who's not her? With Jenna, that's all it was: fucking. WIth El, you fucking idiot, it was pure, unfiltered, genuine love. With El, it was you showing her how much you love her, without saying any words. She showed you how much she trusts and loves you. And you fucked up, Mike, you really did. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Why did you have to be such a piece of shit? Why?_

My face was stained with my tears. My mind was racing with more self-deprecating thoughts. My heart was beating fast. My lungs hurt from hyperventilating. My legs couldn't move. My vision was blurred by my tears. My ears only heard the loud thumping of my heart. 

"STOP IT! STOP! STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE! STOP, STOP, STOP!" I screamed to no one. If my legs weren't so wobbly, I would be running to the other side of the city. I ran my hands through my hair, doing everything I could to stop the voices in my head. 

I curled up into a ball on my bed, trying to find a way to sleep through the pain.

Eventually, the darkness and tiredness took over my body as I slowly drifted off.

_"El! El, come on, I found everyone but you! You win...Again!" A little boy, no older than thirteen, said._

_"C'mon El! We get it! You are a true master at hide-and-seek!" Said the boy with curly hair next to him._

_"My mom is making Eggos!" Said the dark-skinned boy, emerging from a cluster of trees._

_"Lucas, why would you say that?" A short boy next to the first boy said._

_I looked down and saw that I was wearing the same clothes as I was before. Who are these kids?_

_I walked up to the first boy and realized that it was me; when I was thirteen. I_ always  _wore sweaters that my grandma and mom knit for me and my hair was way too long. It was all the way down to the collar of my shirt._

_"What? She always comes runnin' for Eggos."_

_"Guys...I'm really worried. Where is she?"_

_I saw my younger self turn to the side of the house. I realized what moment this was once I saw a younger El crying. My younger self ran towards her and embraced her._

_"El? What's wrong? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"_

_"I'm fine. It's ok. I'm ok." She quickly wiped away her tears with her sleeve._

_"Bullshit, El. Friends don't lie. Why?"_

_"My m-mom left. Yesterday. She just took S-Sara and left. I didn't even have time to h-hug Sara and say goodbye. I didn't even know they left until I heard S-Sara scream and then the door close really loud." She broke down into more tears and I embraced her into another tight hug._

_"I-I'm sorry, El. But, just know that I'm always going to be here for you. I...I love you, El. I know it hurts a lot right now but I_ promise  _that it will get better. It'll take a while but it gets better. And on the days where it gets really bad...I'll always be right here for you to lean on. I will_ always  _be there. I promise." I hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head._

_El hugged me back, "Thank you, Mike. I love you."_

_This was the time I realized that I loved El. She was so, so, so strong for this. At only thirteen, she had to deal with two family members leaving her. The reason I fell in love with her was, not only because she was beautiful, her loving, caring, kind, selfless personality. She always cared for others before herself. If I was sick, she would come and take care of me even though she knew she would get sick after. If there was a kid needing a donation, she would go and buy that kid a full meal and leftovers. She didn't do it because she thought she had to but because she was genuinely a nice person. She loved everybody._

_I could never be like that._

_The dream shifted and all of a sudden I found myself standing in the middle of a park. There was a little boy on the swing and a little girl in the sandbox. The dark haired boy stood up after a while and walked over to the little girl. He asked her a question and soon they were both standing up, walking to the swing set. They both sat down and, even though she tried very hard, the little girl couldn't go up. The small boy noticed and got off his swing to help push the girl. Once she was high in the air and swinging by herself, the boy started swinging with her. They came to a stop when they heard a man's voice call out._

_"Jack! C'mon, we need to go!" A man sitting on the bench called out to the little boy.  
_

_He looks like me._

_"Daddy," He dragged out the 'e' sound, "Ten more minutes? I made a new friend! Her name is Kathy with a K!"_

_The woman next to the older man called out this time, "Ten more minutes and then we have to go to Grandpa Hopper's!"_

_Grandpa...Hopper...Is this...Do I have a kid? Is this boy on the swings my kid?_

_"El...He's gonna kill me for being late!" The man whined._

_"Mike. Stop being a baby. Let Jack enjoy this. Who knows, that girl over there could be your future daughter-in-law." Older El laughed._

_"First of all, he's six and doesn't need to worry about girls and girlfriends. Second of all, I already have one daughter I need to worry about." Older me chuckled and rubbed Older El's belly.  
_

_I have a daughter. I have a little girl. And a little boy._

_Older me and El touched foreheads and kissed briefly before looking at their kid and admiring the life they've created for themselves._

I woke up, startled, and fell out of my bed. I heard footsteps and my mom burst through the door.

"Jesus, Michael, are you okay?" 

"Yeah. I'm fine." I rubbed my head. She nodded and left my room.

I got back into bed, under the covers this time, and drifted off to sleep.

No dreams this time.

********************************

"Michael! Get up and get ready for school!" My mom shook me awake and I rolled out of bed. 

I walked to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, then went downstairs for breakfast. I grabbed a piece of toast and my jacket. I kissed my mom on the cheek, "Bye, Mom." I ruffled Holly's hair, "Bye, Holls."

I left and got into my car and called El. It rung about four times until she finally picked up. "Mike?"

"Hey, babe, you need a ride to school today?"

"Yeah. I'm almost done getting ready."

"Ok. I'll be there in fifteen. I love you."

"I love you too." The line clicked and I started driving to El's.

_What did those dreams mean? Do I still have a future with El? Do I still have a chance or was it just my imagination?_

_Probably your imagination. There's no way that she's going to take you back after you tell her._

I pulled up into El's driveway. I got out and knocked on her door, letting her know I'm here. She walked out about two minutes later and we got in my car.

The Pixies were playing on the radio. El made a face, "Why do you listen to such old music?"

"Because they sound better. There's more story to it than today's music."

"It's so angry."

"Of course it is! It was the 80's!"

"Ok. Choose one: 2018 or the 80's."

"Easy. 80's. I love the music, the clothing style...Everything." I put my hand on my chest, "I was born in the wrong generation."

El cringed and smacked my arm, "That was the cringiest thing you've ever said. Never say it agian. Ew."

We laughed and I pulled up into the school parking lot.

"Ugh, Mondays, I don't like them." El intertwined our hands as we walked into the building.

"We started dating on a Monday." I gave her a look and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"That's exactly why I hate Mondays." She feigned an angry face but failed miserably and I started laughing at her. She smacked my arm again, "Stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry, baby, but you're so cute when you try to act mad!"

At this moment Jenna passed us, "Hi, Mikey!" She looked over at El and chuckled, "Eleanor." She chewed her gum obnoxiously and walked off, trailing her finger down my arm.

"I hate her." El said, voice filled with rage.

"You have nothing to worry about, baby. All my eyes are for you and your gorgeous face." I kissed her forehead and started walking again, dragging El behind me.

And maybe, just maybe, it was my imagination but I could've sworn El's face dropped for a split second when I said that last sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently 10:40 pm and AO3 deleted like 1k words i just wrote. crying. its fine. fuck.
> 
> 11:22 pm. just finished rewriting that whole part just to find out that I copied it and when i pressed the paste button i cried again because i went through 40 minutes of rewriting when it was right there.
> 
> 11:36 FINALLY FINISHED! 2,238 words. not that bad i guess. this chapter was definitely a bitch to write. but i did it! because i love you all!
> 
> comment something and i'll probably respond to it because it makes me happy and i love talking to everyone
> 
> SHARE THIS STORY PLEASE IT WOULD MEAN A LOT
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	5. El

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm listening to Calpurnia right now life is great. just wanted to share that with you all.
> 
> OH HEYY GUYSS what's your favorite mileven/stranger things fanfic right now?? I just finished "the light we've made" (sequel to "the light you make") and i love it. And Secrets to Keep?? A FAVE I also love this new one called "Bad Brains" by michael_hearteyes_wheeler like actually IN LOVE with it. but anyways, i need some new ones to read!!
> 
> um i'm also in love with billie eilish like yes.

**El**

The bell pierced the silence as I got up and turned it my test and left for lunch. In the hallway, I met up with Max and we started to walk to the cafeteria together.

"So...You wanna hang after school today?" She asked as she grabbed her food and paid.

"I have to stop by the library to find some research books for History and English but other than that yeah, I'm free."

We sat down at our usual lunch table and started eating, forgetting about waiting for the boys. Soon enough though, the four boys joined us. Mike sat down next to me and kissed my cheek. Lucas sat down next to Max and kissed her cheek. Dustin and Will cringed at the sight of us. 

"Can you guys like...not?" Dustin said while making gagging noises.

"You're just mad because Stacy still won't go out with you," Max replied, sticking out her tongue and we all laughed.

"She does want to go out with me! We're just taking things slow for right now." 

"And by slow you mean staring at her from across the classroom in sadness and crying yourself to sleep while she 'pretends' to not know who you are," Mike said and made air quotes when he said pretend. The whole table burst into laughter and Dustin just glared at us.

"Mike...Shut the fuck up." Dustin flipped off Mike and we burst into even more laughter.

"Oh shit. Here comes Stacy?" Will nodded his head to the back of us and he was right, Stacy was walking towards our table.

She reached our table and looked at all of us. She handed Mike a paper, "Hi, Mikey." She said in a weird, annoying, high-pitched voice. She looked over at me, "Hi, El." Her voice was monotone. She looked at the rest of the table, "Everyone else." She turned back to Mike, "Anyways, Mikey, I'm having a party this Friday night since my parents are out of town. I wanted to invite you...and your friends!" She gave everyone except Mike a fake smile. 

"Um, sure, Stacy. I'll check if I'm free that day." Mike said, obviously only trying to make her go away. Stacy stared at him blankly, as if waiting for him to check something. Mike noticed and pulled out his phone, "I guess I'll check right now." He mumbled to himself. He opened the calendar app and Stacy leaned over to look at his phone.

"Great, Mikey, you're completely free! I'll see you there and you better come!" She turned and left our table.

The minute she left we all looked at Mike and started laughing at him. "What the actual fuck?" Will said through his laughter.

"Guys, shut up!" Mike put his forehead on the table.

"So how the hell does  _Mike_ , of all people, manage to steal my girl?" Dustin asked.

"SHE'S NOT YOUR GIRL!" We all screamed at him and he held up his hands in response.

"Ok, but seriously, when did Mike start attracting girls? Like, I'm pretty sure the only girl who's ever showed him any attention is El. And that doesn't even count!" Max said.

"What do you mean it doesn't count?" I questioned her, trying to fight back a smile.

"It just doesn't! You've been in love with him since we were like 13 and it just doesn't count!"

"Dude, like Mike is just pulling girls from every direction! You worried El?" Lucas asked.

_Is there even a point in being worried about it?_

"Like she has anything to worry about. My heart belongs to her." Mike nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck.

"Ew. Can you not do that in front of me?" Max said in disgust.

I looked accusingly at Max. "You and Lucas are literally doing the same thing right now!" I pointed at Lucas and, in fact, he was.

Max's hand caressed Lucas' face, "Only because we look cute while you guys just look disgusting." She laughed and I threw my napkin at her.

She deflected it, "Leave me alone, Hopper!"

We finished eating and got up to go to our lockers. I stood up but immediately felt dizzy and fell down.

"Oh my god, babe, are you okay?" Mike ran towards me. 

"I'm f-fine. Get me Will p-please." My voice was shaky and I felt tears welling up but I couldn't break down in front of Mike.

"Are you sure? I mean I could take you t-"

"Mike. Get Will. Now." He helped me sit on one of the chairs. He ran to get Will and returned with both Will and Max. "Mike, what the hell? I said Will. Not Will  _and_ Max."

Will came closer to me and talked to me at a level only I could hear. "I can't go into the girls' bathroom if you need to throw up. I  _know_ that since you just fell you're gonna blow chunks soon and I can't help with that. Max-" He turned to her and gestured her to come closer, "-can. She can help, El."

I looked down and knew that Will was right. I sighed, "Fine. But Mike-" He turned my way, "-I'm fine now. You can go.  _Please._ " He looked dejected but got the message and slowly walked out. 

I gestured to Will that I was fine for now then turned to Max. I grabbed her hand and gave a small wave goodbye to Will and started dragging Max. I dragged the both of us into an empty classroom near the bathroom and locked the door and closed the blind over the window on the door.

"Ok. Max, I'm going to tell you something very secret. Like, I swear to god if you tell anyone about this I will never talk to you again, hate you for the rest of my life. You get the point." She looked scared but nodded in understanding. I began again, "Six months ago I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lung cancer..." I told her the whole story of what happened, pausing only a few times to throw up whatever I ate during lunch. Two minutes into my story and Max already had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"El...El, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry? I love you? I don't know how to respond." She finished wiping the last of her tears and pulled me into a hug. This hug was full of all her emotions, feelings, just everything she had right now. I _felt_ what she was feeling. The wave of emotions I felt from both her and myself was enough to make me start crying too. "But why? Why wait so long to tell me?"

"I wanted it to be a small thing. I have a really good chance at full recovery but I don't want to get my hopes up too high."

"You've started treatments already?" I nodded "Is that why you fell? And why you've been throwing up?" I nodded again.

"Please, Max, don't tell my dad. The minute he hears that all this is interrupting me at school he's going to make me do online school and I need to be here. I need a break from all the sad looks from doctors and other patients at the hospital or the silence that makes me feel like I'm drowning in a flood of emotions. I can't stay at hospitals or at home any longer." I pleaded with even more tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I won't tell. I promise." She hugged me again.

"Thanks. Ok, I'm gonna go to the bathroom because I need to throw up again." I chuckled before pulling away and running to the bathroom.

We walked into the bathroom and I went into the first stall and started vomiting like crazy. Max helped keep the hair out of my face and helped me wiped my face.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell anybody else? This is the kind of thing you usually tell your friends."

"I just don't want it to become such a big thing right now. I'm trying to keep it under wraps as much a possible."

"Ok. But you do plan on telling them right?"

"I only wanna tell them when it starts to be more noticeable."

She sighed. "Ok."

************************************

I ended up just skipping the whole period after lunch and now I'm walking with Lucas to our math class. The whole time we were walking there people saw me and started whispering. I noticed Lucas left my side for a minute, probably noticing it too and asking why. He came back and was quieter than before.

"Lucas." I stopped him and pulled him to the side.

He looked up, "Yeah?"

"What the hell do you know?" All of a sudden I was worried that he found out and the rest of the school found out I was sick.

"Nothing. I don't know anything."

"Bull fucking shit."

He sighed, "They're saying that you're pregnant." He said really quietly, but loud enough for me to hear. I was quiet for a moment and he spoke up again, "Is it true? Are you actually pregnant?"

 _If I say yes then at least it's a cover-up for me being sick. But then that means I have to act pregnant for the time being. If_   _I say no, then I have to explain why people would even think that. Being "pregnant" is better than being the "cancer freak" though._ I sighed, "Yeah. Yeah, it's true."

His eyes widened in surprise but quickly got over it and pulled me into a hug. "Why didn't you tell us sooner? I heard you felt sick after lunch, is that why?"

I nodded, trying to hide the guilt of lying on my face. "I'm trying not to make a very big deal out of it right now. It's not something I wanted everyone to know right away. Hell, I haven't even told Mike yet."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jenna standing across the hallway looking at us with a smirk on her face. I turned to her, "What the hell are you staring at, bitch?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to say congrats on the baby. I'm sure you and Mike will make fantastic parents. That is, if he even wants to stick around and be a father to a baby." 

I would've punched her right there if Lucas didn't pull me back right away. "You don't know anything," I screamed at her.

"I know that no man wants to be a dad at eighteen. I mean, look at your dad. Your mom and dad had a kid at eighteen and look where they're at now. They're like three hours away from you guys. I'm just saying." She shrugged, "And who knows? Maybe once he hears about all this and realizes he doesn't want anything to do with... _it_ , he'll realize how much better he can do without you dragging him down with you. He could be with someone who really,  _truly_ deserves him. Someone who can...fulfill his needs the way you can't anymore. You're going to be worthless to him at this point." Tears rolled down my cheeks and Jenna turned and walked away, bitch clique in tow.

_I'm not actually pregnant but why did that hurt me so much? My parents separated because they weren't right for each other and they knew that. They separated because of their own problems, not because of me and Sara. It's not true. She's just a psychotic bitch who hurts others for fun._

_And the comments about Mike._

_If I was pregnant, Mike wouldn't leave me. Right?_

_But he would. He's already cheating on you. He could leave and run to Jenna where there aren't any problems. He could have a simple, fun senior year. Jenna's right, he doesn't need me dragging him down with me. He's better without me. I can't make him happy the way I used to. Me being sick causes more problems in between us and he shouldn't have to worry about that. It's my fight, not his._

_Oh my god, Mike._

_If the rumors spread this fast, that means he already heard. Oh my god, what is he thinking?_

I turned back to Lucas, "Lucas. Lucas, I need to go find Mike."

He pulled out his phone, probably to call or text him. He saw a notification and opened it then looked back at me. "He texted me telling you to meet him at the back of the school. He tried calling you but you didn't answer."

I ran (if you could call it that, it was more of a fast jog) to the back of the school. I turned, out of breath, and saw him standing there.

He saw me and walked towards me and pulled me into a hug, "El." He breathed in relief.

"Hi, Mike."

He pulled back from the hug, "Is it true? Are you pregnant?"

 _Do I lie to him too?_ I sighed (for what felt like the millionth time today), "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"It's okay. But it would've been better to find out from you instead of Jenna-"

"Wait," I was pissed now, "Jenna told you?"

"Yeah...She came out of the bathroom and saw me walking down the hall and came up to me and told me that she overheard you talking to Max. She said that it sounded like you were pregnant and that I probably didn't know."

"Well, the bitch had no reason to be in my business so even though it's great she told you she shouldn't have."

"What the fuck? You're carrying my kid and you don't think I should know? At least she told me?"

"Yeah, she tells you everything, doesn't she? Did she tell you that she thinks you're going to leave me?  _Or_ that we're going to end up like my parents? Or that you probably won't want this kid?"

 He was quiet for a moment and looked down, "No...No, she didn't tell me any of that. But, come on El, I have a right to know."

I tried not to get so caught up with this since in a few weeks or months the truth about my sickness is gonna come out. But for now, I had to keep up the lie. My voice softened, "Yeah. Yeah, you have a right to know and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

He pulled me in for another tight hug, "We'll be okay. Right? We're not going to split because of this."

 _Yeah. We're_ not  _splitting over_ this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK ME HELLA LONG. i've been working on it for three days and it probably would've been up sooner if i had the motivation to do it a few days ago. 
> 
> share w ur friends!
> 
> leave a totally tubular comment!
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY


	6. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guyz i don't like school
> 
> i go to a private, catholic, all girls school and life is a struggle
> 
> but enough about me here's the chap lmao

**Mike**

Holy shit.

_Holy._

Shit.

I'm a dad. I have a kid. I have a kid,  _with El._

I've always wanted to be a dad. It's a dream I've always had for my future. I want to run around with my son or have tea parties with my little girl. I want to take them to the park and push them on the swings and be there to help them when they scrape their knee. I want to be there every time they cry, laugh,  _everything._

I just never thought it would happen so soon.

And  _with El._ I haven't even told her about Jenna yet and now I'm starting parenthood by lying.  _I_ _can tell her later today. That gives me a few hours to tell her._

Tonight was Stacy's party. I was the only one arriving by myself. Lucas, Dustin, and Will had to make up tests after school and just decided to all go together to the party. Max and El wanted to get ready together and I didn't want to be a part of that so they decided to go together. 

The bell rung, signaling that school has ended, and I grabbed my stuff and went to my locker. Jenna came up next to me.

I sighed, "What do you want now, Jenna? Leave me alone."

"I just thought that maybe, you know, since you're leaving El soon that we can get a head start on us?" She had a smirk on her face.

"Who said I wanted to leave El? If anything, this is the time I  _have_ to be with her." I slammed my locker shut.

She seemed frustrated. She ran a hand through her hair, "For god sakes, Mike! Who the hell wants to be a father at your age? You should be having fun and not worrying about a kid when you still are one." Her finger traced my arm and, this time, I pushed her away quickly.

"I've always wanted to be a father. Maybe, if you thought of me more than just a  _quick fuck,_ you would know that. It's surprising that it's happening now and really quickly but it doesn't matter. I will be a father to  _my_ kid with  _El._ So leave me the  _fuck_ alone." I saw the tears in her eyes but knew that I couldn't back down.

Jenna, as nice and innocent as she seems to others, is not a very good person. She's manipulated me multiple times and still expects me to talk to her. She's  _messed_ up. She's constantly getting in the way of my relationship with El. She's making it impossible to fix things with El.

I rolled my eyes at her and walked away. As I was walking down the hall I heard her scream, "You're _so_ going to regret this, Mike!"

I flipped her off without looking back at her, "Whatever!"

I walked angrily into the school parking lot and found my car. I opened the door, got in, and slammed the door closed. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

_Jenna is a psychotic, manipulating, lying bitch. I don't need her in my life anymore. She was only there to turn my moments of weakness into something for her. I never needed her. She means nothing to me._

I calmed myself down and proceeded to go home. I got home pretty fast, 10 minutes, and started to get ready. I ended up wearing light-colored ripped jeans and a black sweater.

_I don't want to fucking care anymore._

"Ok, Mike, let's go do this," I told myself and left the house and on my way to the party.

***************************

 Of course, I just  _had_ to be the first person of my friends to be there. 

The party was already in full swing. There were  _many_ teenagers dancing on tables, doing keg stands, jumping in the pool, and I'm pretty sure I saw someone's bra hanging from the lights. Since I had to drive myself back home tonight, I can't drink unlike everyone else here. I stood in a corner on my phone and only looked up when I felt like someone was in front of me. 

Of course, it was Stacy. 

She batted her eyelids, "Hi, Mikey. Why are you standing all alone? Come on, let's go get you a drink!"

I shook my head, "I'm waiting for my friends and I'm driving home tonight so I can't drink."

"Just one little drink. One shot! Please!" She dragged out the 'e.'

Knowing that she wouldn't leave me alone I decided to follow her. Instead of taking a shot, I grabbed a beer. It's alcohol but at least it won't leave me wasted the whole night. I saw an unopened one and grabbed that before heading back to the living room. It took a few more minutes but then Lucas and Dustin showed up.

"Hey man, what's up?" I did that bro handshake with them and they stuck with me in the corner.

"Probably failed my test today but whatever," Lucas said.

"Same," Dustin said.

I looked around and saw that Max and El had arrived too, still waiting by the door. My jaw  _dropped_ at the sight of El. She was wearing a black skirt with a red top that only covered her boobs. Her eyes had dark eyeshadow and she looks like she's _glowing._  Our eyes met and when she noticed that I was staring she blushed and turned to Max. They started to walk to us and when they finally did, El laughed, probably at my facial expression.

Can you blame me? She looks really hot.

"Oh my god, baby. Damn." I could barely form complete sentences as I looked at her.

"Close your mouth, Mike. Flies are gonna fly in." I heard Max say.

"Shut your, Max," I said back to her without looking at her, too busy staring at the girl in front of me.

"Do I look pretty?" El asked.

"Pretty? Babe, you look beautiful. So beautiful." I hugged her and felt her arms wrap around me.

"I'm gonna go get a drink. Wanna come with?" El asked, already heading to the kitchen.

 

I had to squeeze past everyone else to catch up to her. I grabbed her hand and turned her so she was facing me, "Aren't you not supposed to be drinking?"

I saw her face fall, "Oh yeah. I guess I'm just not used to it right now." We walked back to the others and saw that they were dancing.

I turned to El, "Wanna dance?"

She chuckled and nodded. I grabbed her hand and we started dancing to the beat of the music. We were laughing and all of a sudden Jenna and Stacy came up to us. 

"Hi, Mikey. We're just gonna borrow El over here. Bye!" Jenna said right before Stacy grabbed El's hand and dragged her to the basement.

Deciding I should probably not overthink it, I didn't follow them. I went over to the couch that Max was sitting at. 

"Where's Dustin and Lucas?" I asked her.

"Probably in the bathroom or the kitchen, I really don't know. But I have a question to ask you," I nodded my head signaling her to go on, "How long are you and El going to keep up this facade?"

"What do you mean?" 

"Cut the crap, Mike. She told me the truth in the bathroom. That's what Jenna overhead and that's why she spread the rumors."

"What do you mean, Max?"

"I mean the  _cancer_ , Mike. She told me that the pregnancy thing was just so nobody else would know about her lung cancer. I would've thought you figured that out or she told you."

" _Max,_ she hasn't told me anything."

"What do you me-" Her eyes widened at the realization, "-Shit. I thought she told you already. Oh my god. I fucked up. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my-"

"MAX! Shut up! I can't think."

"Mike, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have sa-"

"MAX!" She shut up. I ran my hands through my hair and stood up and walked outside. 

_What the fuck? Cancer? We don't have a kid? What the fuck? I can't-I. I can't right now. I have to leave._

I ran to my car and sped to my house. I ran inside then ran up to my room. I didn't even bother to change; I just laid on my bed staring at my ceiling.

 _El is sick. El is dying. El has cancer, of all things. She never told me this. She didn't tell my she could_ die  _anytime soon. Why the hell wouldn't she tell me? I'm her boyfriend for god's sake. That's what supposed to happen in a relationship. If something bad happens, you turn to them. If your world comes crashing down, you go to them. You're not supposed to do it by yourself._

I thought back to all the times in the past few months that possibly showed El's sickness.

She's been excused from all physical activity.

She quit dance, even though it was something she loved the most.

She's out of breath after walking for only a short time.

She fell during lunch.

The list keeps going and I probably would've thought about it more if I didn't hear the knock at the door.

I went downstairs and opened the door only to find El standing there, tears staining her cheeks. I tried to close the door on her but she stopped it. 

"Mike." Her voice sounded like she was trying to be strong, but still wavering.

"No, El. I can't see you right now. What the actual fuck? You didn't tell me you have fucking  _cancer_? I don't know what your reasons were but it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't-"

"I did it because of  _you,_ Mike! Because of your lying,  _cheating_ ass." She ran away and left me open-mouthed.

_Fuck._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was vv short im vv sorry. I start school in 5 minutes *cries*
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	7. El

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the party from El's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another chapter to make up for the really short one

**El**

"Come on, El! Just wear it! You'll look hot!" Max whined from the bedroom.

I yelled back from the bathroom, "Max! It literally only covers my nipples! I'm half naked!"

"That's the  _point._ Jesus, don't you understand! You're gonna make Wheeler's jaw drop all the way down to the floor. Yeah, sure, you're outfits are cute and all but when he sees you in this he won't stop staring! Spice things up a little!"

I rolled my eyes but figured she was right and put on the tube top. "So what are you wearing for Lucas?"

"Nothing." I could  _picture_ her winking.

"Max! Oh my  _god._ "

"You asked."

I looked at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing a black denim skirt with a very, very,  _very_ small red tube top and did my eye makeup to have smokey eyes. My hair's curled and tied into a high ponytail and I'm wearing black heels.

_Not bad, El. Not bad._

I stepped out of the bathroom and saw that Max was wearing a silver dress with a very low back cut. It was pretty obvious she wasn't wearing anything underneath. "Damn, Max. You weren't kidding."

"Obviously I wasn't-" She turned and saw me, "-Holy shit! You look amazing!"

"Thanks. So do you. Lucas is  _definitely_ going to have a fun night." She rolled her eyes but didn't deny it. I gasped, "Nasty!"

"Yeah, you're one to speak Miss I-Lost-My-Virginity-In-The-Pool-Closet," Max huffed.

I shrugged, "It happens when it happens."

We both laughed and finished getting ready for the party.

* * *

On our way to the party, I plugged the AUX cord into my phone and played some more upbeat music to get us ready for the party.

"So...The pregnancy rumor?" Max asked.

"What about it?"

"I mean, what are you gonna do about it? Let it keep going or?"

"I'll keep it going for as long as I can. It's a cover-up until I absolutely have to tell everyone about how I'm sick and not actually pregnant."

"Well, there is another option."

"And what's that?"

"Have Wheeler knock you up for real," She winked, "I'm just sayin'. Don't gotta rule out that possibility."

"You're horrible. Love you though."

"Love you too, my little Ellie."

* * *

Max wasn't wrong about Mike's jaw dropping to the floor. I walked in with Max and when my eyes met Mike's I turned to Max and told her.

"You were right," I said to her.

"What do you mean?" I nodded my head towards Mike and she turned around and started laughing. She grabbed my hand, "C'mon, let's join them." She pulled us to the corner of the house and we joined the boys. I joined Mike but saw Lucas' jaw drop at the sight of Max.

"Oh my god, baby. Damn." He could barely say a complete sentence.

"Close your mouth, Mike. Flies are gonna fly in." I heard Max say.

"Shut your, Max," He said back to her without looking at her, too busy staring at me.

"Do I look pretty?" I asked.

"Pretty? Babe, you look beautiful. So beautiful." He hugged me and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm gonna go get a drink. Wanna come with?" I asked, already heading to the kitchen. He was a few steps behind me but managed to catch me in the kitchen.

He grabbed my hand and turned me so I was facing him, "Aren't you not supposed to be drinking?" 

I frowned, "Oh yeah. I guess I'm just not used to it right now." We walked back to the others and saw that they were dancing.

He turned to me, "Wanna dance?"

I gave a small laugh and nodded. He grabbed my hand and we started dancing to the beat of the music. We were laughing and all of a sudden Jenna and Stacy came up to us. 

"Hi, Mikey. We're just gonna borrow El over here. Bye!" Jenna said right before Stacy grabbed my hand and dragged me to the basement.

In the basement, there were a few other girls who formed a circle. Stacy grabbed my hand again and had me sit next to her.

Jenna started to explain the rules, "Ok, so we're gonna play a little game called paranoia. Basically, someone asks someone else a question,  _privately,_ and the person being asked has to say the answer out loud. Then, we flip a coin. Heads, you have to say the question you were asked out loud. Tails, the question stays between you and whoever asked you. You have to answer. No limits on the questions, ask _whatever_ you want. Everyone get it?" Everyone nodded.

I felt uneasy about everything and tried to leave but Stacy put a hand on my lap, signaling me to stay.  _Can't be that bad._

"I'll start!" A girl on the other side of the circle, Aubrey, said. She moved over to another girl and asked a question.

"Jake, definitely." They flipped the coin and it was tails and the girl who was asked visibly relaxed.

The game went on for another ten minutes. There was really nothing going on but then it was Stacy's turn to ask a question.

She moved over to Jenna and whispered in her ear. Jenna answered, "Mike Wheeler and one  _full_ year." Everyone gasped, desperate to know the question.

The coin flipped and it felt like forever until it finally landed. When it landed, I went over to check what side it landed on.

I looked at it for a few seconds and snapped back to reality. "Heads." I whispered to myself.

"The question was-" Stacy started.

Jenna cut Stacy off, "The question was, 'How long was your longest sex-based relationship and who was it with?'"

My heart stopped. I heard collective gasps all around the room. I looked up at Jenna and she had a smirk on her face. I got up and left the room. Upstairs, I pushed everyone out of my way and left the house, ignoring Max's calls for me to come back. 

My head was spinning. My world felt like it tipped over. I walked, as best as I could, to the nearest park and sat on the swings.

 _There's this difference between knowing something and hearing someone confirm it. It seems like the smallest difference, but for some reason, have someone confirm it makes it all too real. When I heard Jenna say that she was sleeping with Mike, I felt like I didn't know anything. It took me by surprise. You see, I_ figured it out _,_ _but I was hoping I wasn't right. Now that Jenna's said it, I have no way to deny it. She's proved it. She made my nightmares real._

_And now, I've led myself to believe I'm not good enough. Why wasn't I good enough for him? Why doesn't he love me? What can I change about myself so he'll love me again? How can I make this better? How can I make this how it used to be?_

_The answer is, regrettably, nothing._

_It's hard. I have always feared an unrequited love. You fall completely, madly, and truly in love with someone and they can't return the feeling. So, you convince yourself that they do. And then, you fall even more for them. You give yourself to them, your full being. You devote all your time to make them happy so that they'll stay with you. You try your hardest to make the relationship work. You fight for it, because isn't that what they say you're supposed to do? "It isn't a real relationship if you didn't have to fight for it," They say._

_But they're wrong. So, very, wrong._

_You shouldn't have to fight so hard for a one-sided relationship. You shouldn't have to exhaust yourself for something that you_ know  _isn't going to work out later on. You shouldn't have to try so hard for a person who isn't trying as hard for you._

_I guess...I guess I felt like I needed Mike to stay alive. I felt like if he wasn't there I wasn't going to be able to survive cancer. I depended on him like he was my life support. What I didn't realize in all this was that the fire Mike and I had when we were thirteen,_

_is gone._

_Mike and I had something great. But, we were just naive kids who thought that forever wasn't enough for us. We thought, at age thirteen, that we were in love. But that's dumb; you can't find the love of your life at thirteen._

_We had something great for five years._

_But now it's done._

_And I'm done._

_I won't take any more of this complete and utter_ bullshit  _anymore. I don't need Mike to survive, I can do that on my own. He is not my world and he does not control anything about me._

_I control me._

I got up from the swings and started walking, then running, towards Mike's house. I don't know how long I was running but it felt like forever. My body felt like it was slowing down, resisting me.

Mike's house came into view and the doubts started and flooded my mind. 

_Is this a good idea?_

_Am I really ready to do this?_

_What if he doesn't care at all?_

_Do I really want to do this?_

I shook the thoughts out of my head and knocked on the door. It took a while but then he opened the door and I felt my heart speed up again. He tried to close the door on me but I put my hand out to stop it.

_You're here to end things. Calm. Peacefully, but still showing your anger. But in a managed way._

"Mike." I tried to make my voice strong and confident but it wavered at the end.

"No, El. I can't see you right now. What the actual fuck? You didn't tell me you have fucking  _cancer_? I don't know what your reasons were but it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't-" My head snapped up to look at him.

 _How the_ hell  _does he know?_

 _Is he blaming_ me  _for not telling him about_ my  _sickness? I have the right to tell whatever I want to whoever I want._

I was very angry now. And before I could stop it, the words came out my mouth like word vomit. "I did it because of  _you,_ Mike! Because of your lying,  _cheating_ ass."

I ran from his house and all the way back to mine. The whole way back I was wiping the tears streaming down my face. At one point, I tripped and started sobbing, not even bothering to get up. I couldn't think anymore, couldn't  _feel_ anymore.

Until a stranger picked me up, bridal style, and carried me into a house. I looked up and saw that it was the guy from the hospital, Charlie. He looked back down and me and gave me a small, sad, pity smile.

He set me down on my feet, looked at someone else, then nodded and left. 

I looked up and saw my dad standing there, a worried look on his face. I opened my arms, "Dad." He enveloped me in a hug and I leaned into him, taking the time to cry and let go of whatever I was feeling.

* * *

I woke up and saw that I was in my bed, wearing a gigantic 'Indiana State University' sweater. I got out of bed and headed for the kitchen.

In the kitchen I saw everyone there. Will, Joyce, and Dad were all sitting down at the table, eating their food. Joyce was the first one to notice me and stood up quickly to hug me. 

"Hi, darling, how are you feeling?" She asked.

"I've been better," I replied weakly.

"Feel like eating? There's Eggos, your favorite." Will said from the table. I shook my head.

Dad's face fell, "Ok, but can you sit down first? We want to talk to you." I grabbed the chair across from Will. "Feel like telling us what happened last night?"

I paled at the question and turned to Will then looked down. I sighed, "Will can you, uh, leave really quick? Please?" He noted the desperate look on my face and got up and left.

Joyce and Dad were still looking at me expectantly. I looked down again, "I found out that Mike has been cheating on me. For a year." I said really quietly.

Dad's face contorted into an angry facial expression, "That son of a bitch. I'm going to-" Joyce interrupted him.

"Let's see if she has anything else to say, Jim." Joyce gave me a sad look but I continued.

"I've, uh, actually known for about six months but didn't say anything. But, last night at the party, the girl he was cheating on me with was there and told me and whole bunch of other girls. And once she said it I just felt so, so, so-" I could barely finish my sentence without crying. I already felt tears welling up in my eyes, "I just felt so broken. And to top it all off I found out that Mike  _knows_ about me." Joyce and Dad already knew what I meant and they shared a sad look between the both of them.

Joyce put her hand on top of mine, "Oh, sweetie, I am  _so_ sorry you're going through all of this. I know how hard this is and if you ever feel this way again I want you to talk to me, okay? I don't want you to feel like you have to go through it all alone. I don't want you to  _ever_ go through it alone again. Your dad and I love you so much and we  _hate_ that this has happened to you."

Dad nodded, "Next time I see that kid I'm putting my gun in a very obvious position so he'll  _know_ that  _I_ know." Joyce and I laughed softly. Dad gave a small smile then looked back at me, "But there's something else."

I gave him a confused look, "What is it?"

He put his hand on my shoulder, "If you ever wear an outfit like what you wore  _last night,_ you will never,  _ever_ see the outsides of these walls ever again. Got it?"

I nodded and smiled at the thought that this will forever be the only normal thing in my life, "Got it."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn that was helllllla long. 3 hours of writing but it was worth it. i'm proud of this chapter. 
> 
> the part where El talks about how she thinks she isn't good enough is too damn relatable 4 me. 
> 
> ur all amazing and great i luv you all
> 
> last chap got hella nice feedback so thank you all for that! 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY!


	8. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guyz i sprained my wrist try to ignore any spelling mistakes pls lmao thanks

**Mike**

I watched her run away and I couldn't move myself to run after her. I stood at my door, jaw dropped, and just stood there. Why? I really don't know. Maybe it was the shock, or guilt, or maybe even the small hope that she was going to come running back and we could fix everything. After ten minutes, I figured it was hopeless and went back up to my room and laid back on my bed.

_And now it's happened. I've lost her for sure. It's weird, having it be official. I've lived so long with her in my life and now I have to live without her? All these years, I never thought that El and I would break. It's one of those friendships that you're sure will last forever, no matter what. But, somehow, I've fucked it up so badly to the point where I'm probably never going to see her again after graduation._

_Thinking back on it, all my excuses for cheating on El are bullshit._

_"I felt lonely."_

_"She doesn't love me anymore."_

_"She's distant."_

_"I needed someone and she wasn't there."_

_I was never really lonely. She was always there for me no matter what. When it was the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep, she'd come over and we'd talk until we both fell asleep. When school work became a little too much to handle, she was there to comfort me and help me. She never let me be alone when I didn't want to be._

_El has always loved me. Even when she was mad she still loved me. Her distance from me was not because she didn't love me, but because of her sickness. Sometimes, she needed time away. Maybe to process it all or more. I don't know. I seem like a dick now. While I was sleeping with Jenna, she was in the hospital receiving some kind of intense treatment for cancer. I could've been there for her all this time._

_Maybe she knew all this time._

_Maybe she knew that I was cheating on her and that's why she didn't tell me all this time. But that's a stretch._

_Isn't it?_

I heard a knock come from downstairs and I looked at the clock and saw that it's 7 am. I went downstairs, a small part of me hoping that it was El coming to say...well, anything. I opened the door only to see that it was my mom, coming back from her double shift at work. Once my dad left, my mom saw that she needed to stand on her own, not accepting any money for her from my dad.

The hope of El being at the door washed away as soon as I saw my mom. "Oh...Hi, Mom. Did you forget your keys?"

"Yeah, I did, sorry hon," She touched my cheek, "Mike, did you sleep last night? You look so tired." I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I shook my head no. She pulled me in to hug me, "Oh, baby, what happened? Is it school? College stuff? El?"

It's really the times like this where you need your mom, or at least a mother figure. My mom loves me no matter how many times I fuck up. She's my rock. As I felt the tears fall from my eyes, I hugged my mom back. "Mom...Mom, I messed up...With El."

She sighed, "I figured, Mike. I feel like I've known this for the past two weeks now. Who was it?"

"Jenna...Jenna Smith." I looked down in disappointment, more tears falling.

She used her finger to move my chin up so I was looking at her, "You messed up. You know that now and you will  _never_ do it again. Now you know how bad it can mess you and someone else up, don't you?" I nodded. "Give her time and then apologize to her. But, Mike, if she never wants to see or talk to you again; you have to follow her. Your actions decide your consequences." 

I let what she said sink in and then nodded and went to my room and she went to her's. I walked over to my desk and picked up the photo of me and El framed on my desk. It was when we were 14 and I just asked her to be my girlfriend. In the photo that Will took for us, we were hugging each other very tightly. 

_"Quick, guys, she's coming!" Will said to Lucas, Max, and Dustin._

_"Byers, get your camera ready!" Max whisper/yelled to WIll._

_"Shut up!" Lucas said to all of them._

_I saw El walk up to me and I flattened out my shirt. She looked around confused and then looked back at me with an eyebrow raised._

_I took a deep breath and looked at her, "El...El, I don't really know how to say this but I really like you. Like, really, really,_ really _, like you. And I was wondering...If you would be my girlfriend?"_

_Her mouth opened then closed. Then, she did it again before finally just nodding as her way of saying 'yes' to me. My eyes widened and I hugged and picked her up. We heard the camera click and turned over to see all of our friends cheering for us and Will taking pictures with his camera. I looked into her eyes and quickly kissed her on the lips. I pulled back and saw that she was in shock, but smiling._

_I looked over to our friends and they all had their jaws dropped._

_"Holy shit!"_

I smiled at the memory and put down the picture. Next to it was a movie ticket from one of our dates. If you didn't know the story behind it, you would think it's trash and has no meaning at all. But to me and El...That movie date was the best thing to ever happen.

_We were fifteen. We were standing outside the movie theater deciding what movie to watch._

_"Let's watch 'The Good Dinosaur' please! I really wanna watch it!" El exclaimed._

_"El, we're fifteen. We're going to be the only kids over ten in there."_

_"Do you think I_ care _? Please, babe?" I rolled my eyes but smiled and bought the tickets._

_She bought the food (I didn't protest because I bought tickets and that's just our way of movie dates) and I went and grabbed our favorite seats (top row very left with the corner seat for El). After a few minutes I saw her walk up and I stood up to help her with our stuff._

_We watched the whole movie and, surprisingly, I loved it. My heart broke when the momma dinosaur died. I was in love with the movie._

_(I may or may not have bought it once it came out on DVD)_

_We finished the movie and I turn to El, "That was amazing!"_

_"Eh, I didn't really like it." My mouth opened and I put a hand over my heart to feign hurt._

_"I can't believe you. You heartless, cold creature. That was the sweetest movie of all time."_

_By now the theater was empty and it was just the two of us plus some old people near the bottom of the theater. "I don't know, Mike, it just seemed a little too...predictable. But, you sure seemed to like it. Are you sure you're fifteen?"_

_I smacked her arm lightly, "You were the one who wanted to see it, not me!"_

_She laughed, "But look who ended up loving it!"_

_I pouted, "You're so mean to me."_

_"Whatever. And, by the way, I am not heartless. It's just that all of the room in my heart is taken by someone right now."_

_My eyes widened and I looked at her, "And who might that be?"_

_"Joyce, duh. The woman is a literal angel."_

_I frowned, "And here I was, hoping it was me."_

_She chuckled, "Of course I'm kidding you doofus. I love you with all my heart." Her eyes widened and her mouth opened to say something but then closed. Then, opened again. "Uh, shit. Um-"  
_

_I cut her off and kissed her. I pulled back for a second, "I...I love you too." And then it was her turn to pull me into a kiss._

_And I have to say, that was the best day of my life._

The tears I was trying to hold back somehow found their way down my cheeks. I put the ticket next to the frame again.

I sat down on my bed and put my head in my hands. Even my bed holds memories of us. The times we cuddled, fell asleep tangled with each other, that  _one_ night two years ago.

_"Can we study chemistry now? I don't get it!" El whined from my bed._

_"Baby, the only chemistry I want to study right now is the chemistry between us." I kissed down her neck._

_"Mikeeee...I'm...trying to...study."_

_And well kissing led to making out and making out led to...Well, you can probably guess._

It's almost as if I'll never be free of these memories. They constantly haunt me everywhere I go. 

We've made memories all over town and now I have to walk by them and look at them and feel the hurt and guilt. 

The movie theater.

The woods near Will's house.

The local pool.

The park.

Even my own fucking house.

Guilt and pain are now my new best friends.

 _Fuck_ , my friends. Will I even be able to call them that after this gets out? All I'm going to be seen as is the guy who cheated on their girlfriend. They're all going to hate me after this. They probably won't even talk to me anymore. I've hurt their best friend.

So great, I'll be leaving high school with a reputation as a cheater, no friends, and worst of all,  _no El._

I won't have anyone to be there for me when I'm older. Or at least, anyone like the friends I have now. We all wanted to go to the same colleges or colleges near each other. But now, I'll probably have to move across the country to avoid all the drama it could stir up.

I always thought that I would never fuck up my friendships because they all mean so much to me.

Then again, I always thought that I'd be the best boyfriend that El could ever have.

But that's the problem, I thought. When I think, it becomes a problem. When I think, I have hope for making my future.

_Well, fuck it. I'm not going to think anymore. I don't give a shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short but i wanted to introduce something new for mike   
> coolio
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	9. El

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dude school is a pain in the ASS
> 
> i'm listening to XXXTENTACION as i'm writing thsi to get in a sad mood to write sum sad shit

**El**

"I don't get it. You knew he's been cheating on you for six months, then found out it was actually a year, went to Mike's and yelled at him and then you went home but some guy-"

"Not some guy. Charlie, he's a guy from the hospital I talk to when I'm bored." I interrupted Max.

"Ok, not some guy.  _Charlie_ helped you back to your house and that was the end of that night?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"I'm very conflicted. I love you and I want to punch Mike in the face and his lower area but he's also the best friend of my boyfriend." Her voice made it obvious she was trying to make this decision as she's on the phone with me. 

"Don't do anything. It's fine. I'm fine." I breathed deeply, trying not to let the tears fall.

"El...Are you okay? You guys dated for five years you must be feeling-"

I cut her off again, "Bye, Max. I gotta go." I hung up the phone quickly and leaned back against my headboard. I sighed and closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

Instead, I felt tears stream down my face.

 _Why, Mike? Why did you have to be a complete asshole and sleep with Jenna?_ I sighed and stood up from my bed to go downstairs for some food. I saw Joyce preparing sandwiches for lunch.

"El, sweetie, are you joining us today?" Today marks the third day after the encounter with Mike. I took off school today because I couldn't  _stand_ to be in the same room as Mike and all our friends right now. I've been staying in my room all day, Sam Smith and Adele on repeat and have been skipping meals with my family because I'm just too damn depressed.

I shook my head, "Not today, Joyce. Sorry." She gave me a small, pity smile and I grabbed an apple and headed back to my room.

_And so the cycle continues..._

* * *

 

I woke up the next morning for school, dreading every minute. I didn't want to go back today but my dad said that I have to. I even tried to get Joyce to help me convince him to let me stay home but even she couldn't help me. 

So here I am now, in the passenger seat of the Blazer, going to hell.

Dad stopped and unlocked the doors. I gave him one last look before hopping out of the truck. 

Walking inside was the  _most_ intense thing I've ever had to do. News must spread quick because people were already looking and whispering to their friends once I walked by. I reached my locker and started grabbing my books out. 

"I heard that Mike found out she's pregnant and he dumped her."

"I heard that she dumped in."

"No, no, no. You guys have it all wrong. It was something like she cheated on him and that the baby isn't even Mike's. It's, like, someone else's."

I slammed my locker door and approached them. "You're all  _fucking_ wrong," The loudness of my voice attracted more people towards me, "Mike did not leave me. I left him. He's a lying, horrible, disgusting,  _cheater._ We're broken up because he couldn't keep his fucking pants on whenever  _Jenna_ and her stank ass walked by him. You all  _fucking_ happy now?" I screamed to all of them, the words coming out like vomit.

And then I felt  _actual_ vomit coming up. I ran to the nearest girls' bathroom and into a stall. I hovered over the toilet before standing back up and leaning against the wall. 

I didn't mean to say all of that out loud in front of everybody. The anger that I've been bottling up for the past few months just burst and I couldn't stop it. 

I heard the door swing open and someone knock on the door of the stall I'm in. I unlocked it and saw that it was Max and Lucas. I lunged forward at the both of them and hugged them tightly, crying and them comforting me.

"El...El, it's okay." Lucas said.

"I-It's not okay! He  _cheated_ on me, Lucas! I lost my boyfriend and my best friend! How would  _you_ feel if Max did that to you?" I screamed at him.

"El...Ellie, come on, you can't be at school yet. I'm gonna go call your dad and ask if I can take you home." I nodded my head and she walked me out of the bathroom and into the school office.

"Yeah, can you call Chief Hopper he needs to..." Max's voice faded out as I saw him.

He was wearing another dorky sweater but somehow made it look good. His hair was its usual black, floppy mess and was obvious he didn't bother brushing it this morning. But his face, his eyes had bags under them, a sign of no sleep. His lips, the ones that always had a smile on them, were in a frown. He turned and noticed me and I turned around quickly. I saw his reflection in one of the mirror and saw that he was walking towards me, then quickly turned away. 

_If I hate him so much, why is my heart pounding just by looking at him?_

Max touched my shoulder, "Hey, El, Joyce is gonna pick you up in about ten minutes. Do you want me to wait with you?"

"Aren't you going to get in trouble?"

"You're worth more than some stupid class. Besides, they can give me a note saying that I was taking care of you and it'll be fine." I thought about it for a minute then nodded.

We talked about stuff other than boys; Max knowing I wanted to avoid that conversation as much as possible. 

Joyce came in and picked me up and I leaned down to hug Max before I left. 

"Hey, hun, are you okay?" Joyce asked as soon as we were in the car.

Knowing that I could talk to Joyce about  _anything_ I decided I should vent to her. "Am I still supposed to get the butterflies and all nervous when I see him?"

She paused for a moment, "The break up is still fresh. I would say it's completely normal."

"And what if it never goes away? I'm scared that for the rest of my life I'm gonna be stuck with this...this  _affection_ for him. What if I never get into another relationship because I'm too scared of this happening again? I don't want to keep going through with this."

"Well, we can't know everything, can we? Every relationship has its dangers and we can't prevent any of it. Heartbreak is not something you can avoid, El. But just know, that every heartbreak you go through, me, your dad, your friends, everyone who loves you will be there for you." We reached the house and she turned to me. "El, I'm sorry all of this is happening to you but look: you only have to deal with seeing him for a few more months and then you're off to college and so is he. You guys will never have to see each other again. You'll both live your lives and maybe one day in the future you'll see each other again and start a great friendship or you might not. We don't know anything so all we do for now is live with what's happening." 

I thought about it for a few moments and then nodded and opened the car. I ran up to my room and straight towards the phone. I dialed the number and sat on my bed, waiting for the answer.

"Hello?" 

"Sara!"

"El! What's up? We haven't actually talked in a while! How's everyone?"

"Well, Dad is doing great and so is Joyce. What about Mom?"

"Eh. She's been dating a sleaze for the past two weeks. He's kind of a deadbeat and just stays on our couch most of the time. There's really nothing to him but I'm trying not to think about the possible reasons Mom  _is_ dating him."

"...Ew! Sara! That's-ew!"

She laughed, "Exactly! So, how's the love life of Ms. El Hopper?"

I paused, debating if I should tell her what happened. Then I thought back to what Joyce said,  _everyone who loves you will be there for you._ I took a deep breath, "We broke up."

She gasped, "Why?"

"He's...He's been cheating on me. For the past year. I, um, I actually knew about it for a while."

"Ellie! Aw, Ellie, I am so sorry."

"It's whatever. I've been missing school because of it but I think the pain is somewhat getting better."

"This is why homeschooling is great. I'm always at home and away from drama."

"Whatever."

"How's treatment going? Still making you sick?"

"It's going pretty well; I'm still throwing up. But, they did tell me a few days ago if it keeps shrinking at this rate, I can probably, most likely, hopefully, get it completely resected."

"That's great! Have you told anyone else?"

"Well Dad, Joyce, Will, and Jonathan knows. You know. I haven't called Mom yet but I'm telling her soon. Oh yeah, apparently Mike also found out about my cancer before I broke up with him."

"Damn, El, you must've shattered him. He realizes he's been doing all this shit while you were sick? He must've felt pretty shitty, good job." We laughed at her comment.

"I just want this all to be over with. I'm so tired of it and I'm hoping that everything goes well with this."

"Me too, El. Me too."

"I miss you. You don't wanna come visit anytime soon?"

"I can try driving down for winter break. That way, all your stress from the college applications is all gone and you can fully enjoy your time with your favorite sister!"

"Only sister."

"Whatever, El! Okay, Mom's coming home soon and if she sees I'm not working she's going to beat my ass. Gotta go! Bye, El! Love you!"

"Love you too! Bye!" She hung up the phone and I pulled out the stuff I would need to work on homework. 

I worked for about 40 minutes until my phone buzzed rapidly, telling me there was a reminder for today. 

 _"Tickets for Mike's favorite band goes on sale in 30 minutes!"_ It read. 

I completely forgot about that reminder. He watches this band everytime they come here and he always loves their concerts so much. I was planning on surprising him by going with him to this one but I guess those plans are out the window. 

_I shouldn't be a complete bitch though, right? He fucked up and I can be mature. I can at least text Lucas to tell him so he can get good seats._

Because no matter how much I hate him, especially as my ex-boyfriend, he was still my best friend for many years. 

I texted Lucas to tell Mike.

 _To: Lukas_ (he loves Star Wars and Luke...Lucas...Lukas)  
 _Can you tell Mike that his favorite band's tickets go on sale in like 25 minutes?_

_Fr: Lukas  
Sure, El._

_To: Lukas  
Thanks._

I looked around my room and saw everything wrong with it. 

There were too many pictures of him.

His stuff was still here.

I got up, went to the garage, grabbed a box and went back up to my room. I grabbed a sharpie and wrote "MIKE" in bold letters. I went around my room grabbing everything of his and putting in the box.

There were movie tickets from our dates.

Rocks with the date and where it's from when we went on dates there.

Pictures that Will took and gave to me. 

His shirts that he sometimes left here.

But for some reason, I couldn't find myself to get rid of one thing.

His plain, dark navy blue, zip-up sweater.

_"El! Why are you even going through my closet? You have clothes!" Mike whined from the bed._

_"I'm looking for something!" I yelled, under a pile of his clothes. I finally found what I was looking for, put it on, and went back to his bed._

_Mike looked confused as I was walking back, "Why were you looking for that? I haven't worn that since I was like ten."_

_"It's what you wore when we first met. It's also a cute sweater that fits me because you were a lanky ass child."_

_"You look really good in my clothes." He licked his lips._

_"Oh really?" I raised my eyebrow._

_"But you know what would be better?"_

_"What?"_

_"Taking them off of you."_

I smiled a little at the happy memory. I put the sweater on and put the box of the rest outside my door. Hopefully, Will will get the message and take the box to Mike's next time he goes there.

I felt the familiar heartbeat vibration and my heart dropped. I pulled out my phone to read the text. 

_Fr: Mouthbreather <3  
Thanks for the reminder about the tickets. _

And still, even with all that's happened, I found myself loving and hating the feeling I got reading that message. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie. totally forgot that i wrote that el has cancer in this story LMAO
> 
> IF YOU THINK EL IS A LITTLE CONFUSING READ THIS:  
> I wanted to write El as the girl who is convincing herself she is the bigger person. Like she's mature. BUT, she is still in high school and is 18 and wanted to also show that. That is why there is that small part where she is saying "I can be mature" but then like 5 minutes later is complaining to herself about how her room "looks wrong" because there's too much of him.
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	10. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im at school again guys i cri. spring break is so close but so far.

**Mike**

"Damn, look at little Mikey boy go," Josh said from the other side of the couch.

"Holy shit! He's chugging that shit down!" Mateo said.

The whiskey was definitely burning my throat but anything felt better than the guilt. I chugged the rest of it down then grabbed the blunt from Josh's hand and took a hit of it. 

_I'm definitely fucked up now._

"That was easy shit," I told them.

"Damn, he a bragger too! Why are we only hanging out with you now?" Josh said.

"Because we thought he was a nerd, Mateo! Though for a nerd, you did have a hot piece of ass with you." I flipped them off at the comment about El. 

"I'm still wondering though. How'd you get  _Jenna_ to hook up with you man? I mean she does hook up with everyone but I never thought she'd hook up with nerd type guys."

"I don't know man. It happened at a party and that's all I remember." I told them in hopes that they would change the topic after I answered all their questions.

Never in my life did I think I would hang out with these guys. The stoner jocks and the...Well, stoners in general. I've never really been picked on but it's not like I had a very large group of friends either. But lately, it felt like I was losing all my friends and I needed someone,  _something_ , to fall back on. 

Turns out, my dad was right about something for once, drinking does take away the edge. 

I never thought that I would ever do these kinds of things but now that I've done them all I can ask myself is,  _"Why didn't I try this sooner?"_ It took away most of the pain, I forget for a while, and I've made new friends through it. Josh and Mateo especially, they listened to all the shit I had to say about El and there were no (at least spoken) judgments. They all experienced similar things with past girlfriends and they introduced me to all this shit that really helped. We only met like last week but talk like we've known each other for years.

Lucas, Dustin, WIll, Max...They all say that they're still my friend and that there are no sides in this whole "Mike and El" debacle. But I know that deep down they all hate me for what I did and I don't blame them either. I hate me for what I did too. 

I still hang out with them but just not as much. They meet at Dustin's place now and I always get out of it by saying I'm working on applications or homework. I know they're only inviting me because they feel like they're obligated to because we've been friends for years. So, I make it easier on them and just not go. 

"Yo, are we going to Anna's party tonight? I heard it's gonna be big." Mateo said while grabbing water for all of us from the kitchen.

"Let's go then, I'm gonna break Harrington's keg stand record this time," Josh said.

"You say that  _every_ time yet you never break it," Mateo said, throwing a water bottle to both of us.

"Tonight's the night!" Josh yelled as we sobered up to get ready to get  _fucked up_ later.

* * *

 

"Holy shit! Her place is huge!" I yelled as I walked into Anna's house, gaping at the size.

"Dude, have you never been here before?" Matthew, another one of my new friends, asked me.

"Do you think I've been here before?" I gestured to myself, trying to make it obvious that I was never one for these types of parties.

Tonight, I decided to ditch the knitted sweaters and went with ripped jeans and a long tee. So basically, every other boy in my grade. Apparently, the outfit change caught the attention of a lot of girls and they were constantly asking me if I was new (imagine the awkwardness when I said I've been going to school with them ever since elementary).

For the majority of the party, I hung out with the guys in the group. I didn't stray too far for fear of looking like a loner. I went to the backyard with them, red solo cup in hand, and watched them do keg stands.

Steve Harrington's record for longest keg stand was 34 seconds. He did vomit for 8 seconds straight after that but we still give him props for it. That party was considered legendary.

"Yo, Mike, why don't you give this a try?" Josh called from the keg. I looked around nervously and saw that everyone was looking at me expectantly. I looked back at Josh hesitantly and then nodded. The whole backyard erupted in cheers. Soon enough, people were crowding the backyard to watch "nerdy, virgin Mike" do a keg stand.

"Hey! Come out here! Wheeler's doing a keg stand!" I heard from across the yard.

"Holy crap! No way!"

"Wheeler? The nerd?"

"Who the fuck is Wheeler and why is he such a big deal?" _Well, that one just...nevermind._

As I saw more people coming out, the more my worry grew. This was obviously a big thing and I guess I'm just worried to see how El is going to react.

_Stop it. You don't need to worry about her. You don't give a fuck what she thinks. It's better that way._

"Ok. I'm ready." I told Mateo and Josh.

Josh lifted me up while Mateo put the nozzle in my mouth.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." The counting was drowned out by the anxiety developing. Soon enough, I couldn't handle it anymore and spit out the alcohol.

"12 seconds! Pussy!" I heard someone in the back say.

"What a waste!"

"He can't even handle it!"

"Why did I even bother watching?"

"Wait! Hold up! Let me go again!" I yelled at them all.

This time, I'm determined to make a different reputation for myself. I don't want to be known as the cheater, or the nerd. I don't want to deal with that label anymore. I've found another set of friends who can help me. They've helped me to create a new, better version of myself.

"Ok. I'm ready. For sure this time." I told Mateo and Josh.

"Dude, maybe you shouldn't. You might-" I interrupted Mateo.

"Just shut the fuck up and let me do it again."

Josh lifted me up and Mateo put the nozzle back in my mouth.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..." The numbers were drowned out again, but not because of fear, but because of my determination. I thought about all my anger and pushed myself to keep going. Eventually, I couldn't handle it anymore and spit out the nozzle.

Josh put me down and looked at me in shock. I looked at everyone else and all their jaws were dropped.

"Wheeler just set a new fucking record!" The same person that called me a pussy said.

"Holy fucking shit!"

"He beat Harrington?"

"35 fucking seconds?"  
I looked at Josh, "I beat Steve's record?"

He smiled and clapped me on the back, "Hell yeah you did!"

I looked back at the crowd, who were all clapping and praising me. But only one face stuck out.

_El._

Either my mind was playing tricks on me or she was really there. Either or, it was cruel. She was standing right there, disappointment covering her whole face. Our eyes met and she turned back inside to the house.

"El? El!" I stumbled in the direction to where she was but 4 steps in and I started to throw up.

I fell back but Mateo caught me in time. "Woah there, slow down. Where were you even going anyways?" He asked me. I pointed to the direction of the door to go inside. "It's probably a good time to take you back inside anyway. Josh! Help me carry him inside."

They carried me inside and sat me down on the couch. They went back outside, either to party more or find everyone else.

I (think I) saw Lucas and Dustin so I decided to call out to them, "Lukey! Dusty! Is that you?"

I think it's safe to say I am completely messed up and out of my mind. They turned to me and saw me and walked over to me.

"Man, what are you doing?" Lucas asked in disappointment.

"Dude, you beat Steve's record! You're gonna be, like, famous or something!" Dustin exclaimed.

"Not the best time, Dustin. Seriously, Mike. Are you out of your goddamn mind?" I gestured with my finger for them to come closer and they both leaned in.

"I have a secret and you need to shhhh about it. Okay? I think I saw El after I drank a shit ton of alcohol. Is she really here? I want to say hi."

"Yeah, she's here, Mike. But she doesn't even want to see you." Dustin told me.

"She seemed hella pissed," Lucas said.

"But why? I didn't do anything wrong!" I yelled at them.

"Everything is wrong, Mike." A small voice behind Dustin and Lucas said. "You're fucking yourself up. And for what? To be cool? To finally fit in? You're killing yourself!" El emerged from between the two boys.

"W-Well...Well maybe it's because I'd rather hurt myself than hurt you again! Y-You think I don't _k-know_ that you all av-void me now? I'm not an i-idiot! A-And my new f-friends are way better t-than you guys-s. They don't t-think bad of me f-for what I've d-done. They s-still want to h-hang out with m-me. You g-guys," I pointed at them, "Y-You're all fake t-to me. I-I-I-I don't like fake f-friends."

"So you just expect us to not look at you differently after all you did? You hurt me, Mike. Sometimes I can't even get up out of bed because I'm too sad. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I can't do anything! You lied to me for months, for a year!" She yelled back at me. At this point, a lot of eyes were on us.

"Like _you_ weren't hiding anything!" I stood up and got closer to so that when I talked only her, Dustin and Lucas would know what I said. "You lied to me too about your fucking life. You're literally dying and didn't tell me. Max found out before me. You promised to never lie too. You promised to never hurt me too."

"Cheating and not telling you about my cancer are two very different things." She whisper-yelled at me. Lucas and Dustin's jaws were dropped. I looked around before grabbing her wrist and (clumsily) pulled her outside of the house. I was already half sober and was able to clearly think about what I was saying.

"When it first happened with Jenna-"

" _Jesus_ , Mike! I get that you cheated on me I don't need to know the whole story." She threw her arms up in the air.

"Shut up and let me finish," She rolled her eyes but nodded, "When it first happened with Jenna...Well, I don't even know if it happened. I didn't drink that much that night, swear. I had maybe 3 cups but that's it. Yet, I still don't remember anything from that night. I only remember waking up shirtless next to her. I didn't tell you because I was scared and just hoped I could forget it. Nothing happened for months after that, I promise. It was that one time and then nothing happened. And then you started pulling away. I'm not blaming you, I swear let me finish. But you started pulling away and, I'm a fucking idiot for thinking this, but I didn't know if you loved me anymore. You were so distant, El. You barely talked to me and when we did it was so...plain. We didn't have the conversations that we used to have. I broke it off with her like weeks before you found out. I was going to tell you but I got so scared.

I didn't know you were sick, El. That's no excuse for what I did. But, I didn't know. I had to find out through Max. It hurt, knowing that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. Oh my god, all the times I could've been with you. I could've been helping you. I didn't know, El. I d-didn't know." I looked down.

"I didn't know anything about you, Mike. You didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth about what happened with Jenna a year ago. You didn't tell me how you felt when you noticed I was being distant. It was a rough time, I couldn't think about anything. I didn't know anything. I had cancer on my mind and nothing else. You didn't tell me either, Mike. I didn't know anything."

"Can...Can we be friends? I know that things will never be the same for us again but friends, that's all I'm asking." I pleaded her.

With a sad look in her eyes, she brought her hand up to my cheek I leaned into her hand. She stroked my cheek with her thumb and her usual light brown, loving eyes turned a dark color and hatred filled her eyes, "Goodbye, Mike." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i entered @hannahberrie 's contest on tumblr! plss enter/recommend this story! i'll do the same for you! 
> 
> expect short and frequent updates since im on break now 
> 
> TELL ME IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ON ANYTHING AND I'LL EXPLAIN
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	11. El

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ik i said i was gonna update frequently but uh i lied

**El**

Mike's words hurt.

Turning him away hurt.

But I couldn't let that get in my way because, frankly, I don't need him in my life anymore. He's being a real fucking idiot, drinking and smoking away all of his problems. He thinks he's so much better than the rest of us because of his new group. 

But it doesn't matter because I don't care.

_Or at least I'm trying to convince myself that I don't._

"El! There you are! We were looking for you!" Dustin yelled as I walked back into the party full of drunk teenagers.

"Where's Mike?" Lucas asked me.

"I think he went home. He told me that he wasn't feeling good." It was obvious they didn't buy my answer but, thankfully, didn't ask any more questions.

"Well, we should probably go now. I mean, I'm not really in the mood to get drunk tonight so..." Lucas said. Dustin nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, let me just find Max and we'll go," I told them. I searched the whole bottom floor but couldn't find her. She wasn't in the backyard, living room, or kitchen. Cautiously, I walked up the stairs,  _praying_ that she wasn't there.

I opened the first door and saw that no one was in there. I opened the second door and walked in on a couple going at it  (one of them looked like Will) and quickly closed the door. I opened the last door, the farthest room, and saw a guy pulling his pants down with an unconscious girl laying on the bed. She had red hair and was wearing exactly what Max wore tonight.

I quickly lunged at the guy, punching him in the face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? I'm the daughter of the fucking chief of police and I can't  _wait_ to tell him that you  _drugged_ and  _almost raped_ my friend. Hope you like jail, asshole." I punched him one last time, knocking him out, and got off of him. I quickly carried Max, (as best as I could) screaming for Dustin and Lucas to help me. They met me at the bottom of the stairs and we carried her to the car; Lucas stayed in the back with her. 

I drove all the way to the police station, hoping my dad was still there. I saw the lights were on in his office and ran inside.

I was out of breath by the time I got to him. "Max," I gasped. His eyes quickly turned towards me, wide with concern, "Somebody tried to r-rape her. She's unconscious." 

"Is she here?" 

"Still asleep."

"What about the boy? Who..."

"I knocked him out. He's probably still there. It was at a party. 3251 Marbella Dr. He's upstairs and the farthest room."

He grabbed his keys and ruffled my hair, "Good job, kid." He left and I went back to the car.

Lucas and Dustin looked at me with worried eyes as I got back in the car. Dustin quietly spoke, "Is he going there right now?" I nodded my head and saw Lucas visibly relax.

Lucas stroked Max's hair, "I should've stayed with her. I know how dangerous a party can get. I should've..." 

I reached out to grab his hand, "It's not your fault, Lucas. We didn't know it was going to happen. We couldn't have prevented it."

I turned the keys in the ignition and drove back to my place, "Do you guys just want to stay at my place tonight? I don't want to leave her alone." They nodded.

"Shit. Where's Will?" Dustin asked.

"He's, uh, okay. I'm pretty sure I walked in on him earlier. He's  _in_ good hands." They understood what I was saying and turned red.

_It's been a long night._

 

* * *

"Damn, that sounds rough. Is she okay? Are you okay?" He asked me. It's been a few days since the incident and we're all still a little shaken up from what happened.

_"H-He touched me? H-H-He put his hands on me?" Max asked frantically when we finished telling her the story._

_"Max, calm down. I was able to get there in time and he didn't do anything else to you. He was arrested and will be going to court soon. He won't do it again." I told her._

_Lucas stepped forward and touched her shoulder, "Max, I-"_

_Max abruptly slapped his hand away from her shoulder, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. She collapsed to the floor, curling up into a ball. "D-Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't t-touch me." She repeated the words over and over again and we didn't know what to do. I gestured for Dustin, Lucas, and Will to leave and they did so reluctantly. I cautiously put my arms around Max and she leaned into me, crying and repeating the same three words over and over again._

"I don't know. She was horrible the last time I saw her. I heard her mom brought her to a hospital or something. I'm really worried about her." I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed, "I don't know what to do. My ex is basically killing himself and my best friend might actually kill herself. My other guy friends can't even be near her or else she shuts down. It's all too crazy right now."

"What about you?" He asked me.

"What do you mean I just told you." 

"You told me how you feel about them. How do you feel about you?"

I paused to think about it for a moment, "Overwhelmed. Angry. Sad. Hurt. Those aren't even a fraction of what I'm actually feeling. I'm worried about all my friends that I don't even have time to worry about myself. I know that my body is already taking on a lot right now with all the running around I've been doing."

"Yeah, not the best situation for someone with lung cancer."

"Yeah..."

"But anyways, call me if you ever need anything. Like,  _anything_ at all."

We threw away our drinks and headed out. We walked outside and I hugged him before we parted ways, "Thanks, Charlie. You really helped me today."

"No problem, El. I'm always going to be around for you." He kissed my cheek and ran off.

_Wow._

* * *

 

I passed by him again...Mike.

He was hanging at the park with 3 other boys and they were smoking. 

_He has perfectly good lungs and he's destroying them. Fucking asshole._

I turned back to the road. It's been about a month since the party. I haven't talked to Mike since, Max has been going to therapy three times a week, and I've been with Charlie a lot more.

We've really gotten close and I found out some more about him. He has a little sister, eleven years old, he's been cancer free for 3 years, his parents are super nice and great cooks, he's homeschooled, and isn't dating anyone right now. When he told me that I freaked because I figured it probably meant he didn't go out to a lot of parties and was kind of a loner. He assured me he had  _many_ friends and that he went to parties once in a while. 

Besides Will, Charlie has been the only person I've hung out with in the past month. There was a time we were at the mall and we had an awkward encounter with Mike. He saw the two of us together and turned away immediately.

And I was pretty excited for today.

Despite cancer, I still had high hopes of making it to prom. I've told Charlie this numerous times in hopes that he would get the message that it would be great to go with him. I even explained with a lot of details about how people who didn't go to my school could still come. 

Over the past week, Charlie's been asking me what kind of candies I like, what flower I think is the prettiest, and what my favorite things are. They sounded like basic questions but I'm really hoping he asks me. If it comes to it, I'll even ask him. 

I pulled up to our meeting spot, an open field about 30 minutes from the city. I got out of the car and saw in the distance that Charlie was out there, definitely holding a sign. I walked closer to him

 _PROM?_ The sign read with a bunch of food in front of it. I looked up at his worried face and nodded excitedly.

"Oh thank god." He put the sign down and hugged me. "It would've been more clever if I had the balls to think of doing this earlier. I thought of this about an hour before I left the house. You were obviously dropping hints and I thought why not. I like you and going to a real prom will definitely be better than the prom my mom sets up in our basement. No offense to her though." I laughed.

"Wait...You like me?" 

"Was it not obivous enough? I'm pretty sure I'm very obvious about it. Oh shit have I been reading this wrong-" He started rambling but I cut him off by kissing him. He took a second to kiss back but it was amazing. I pulled away and he looked shocked, "Uh, wow."

"Yeah, Charlie, I do like you." I had the biggest smile on my face. I haven't felt this happy in a while.

"So, um, what are we now? We just kissed, we're going to prom, are we dating or..."

I was fine with all this but I still got a panicky feeling at the thought of another serious relationship. "Can we...Can we not put a label right now? It's not that I don't want to it's just...I don't know, after Mike I'm just really scared of commitment."

He held my face in his hands, "And you have every right to be. I'm fine with anything as long as it's  _something_ with you."

I kissed him again, smiling into it.

_Mike is gone. I'm over him. I can be happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short but filled with a bunch of stuff needed for the next few chapters. i'm tired rn man.
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	12. Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall CALPURNIA RELEASED 'LOUIE' ADN I CRI IT'S SO GOOD

**Mike**

"I heard El's going to prom with Charlie," Lucas told everyone at the table.

It's been about a month since the party and everyone in the group slowly forgave me. I sit with them during lunch (opposite of El of course) and I hang out with them sometimes after school. When I heard about Max, I kept my distance but a very close eye on her. Even through the never-ending teasing, I still love Max and want to make sure she's okay. 

"That's good for her," I said, looking down at my food and poking at it with my fork.

"I don't have a date yet! It'll be so embarrassing if I show up without a date!" Dustin whined from his spot next to me.

"I'm going with Andrew," Will said.

Andrew was Will's new boyfriend. I have him in my math class and he's really smart. When Will first introduced us, we were so happy for him. 

"When did he ask you?" Max asked.

Max...Max was still sensitive towards boys, except Will and Andrew, and we all understood. We knew that she wasn't trying to push us away but was just uncomfortable at the thought, and she has every right to be. Lucas, Dustin and I give her the space she wants and we're all fine with it. We all love her and care about her.

"Two days ago. Nothing big, we were just laying in bed when he asked." Will shrugged his shoulders.

"That's cute though. He probably noticed you're not one for big, fancy things." Max said with a small smile.

"Thank God too. If he did something big I would probably be so embarrassed by the attention it would get. Straight couple promposals are already talked about for like a week...Imagine a big, fancy  _gay_ one." Will shuddered at the thought and we laughed.

"Where's El today?" Dustin asked Will.

"She told my mom and Hop that she wasn't feeling well but I'm pretty sure she lied. She was fine last night. I'm pretty sure she just skipped to spend the day with Charlie or something." Will said. I looked down at my food, staying silent as the conversations went on around me.

It hurt. Sometimes, it  _really_ hurt. I know it was my fault and I messed up but I still hope that one day she'll wake up and not want Charlie anymore. She won't want him anymore and she'll want me again. And then maybe, just maybe, we can continue the rest of our lives together. We'd get married, have kids, and grow old together.

But that option is no longer there.

She's moved on. She's happy with this  _Charlie_ guy and I can't prevent her from being happy. She deserves to be happy.

"Mike!" Lucas yelled.

I looked up, startled, "What?"

"Class is starting. Come on." I picked up my uneaten food and threw it away before heading to my next class.

* * *

 

"Yo, Mike, up for a smoke real quick?" Josh asked.

I walked over towards him and grabbed the cigarette from his hand and took a drag. I passed it back to him, blowing out the smoke.

"So, you guys going to prom?" Mateo asked, walking towards us.

"I don't know man. I just found out El's going with a guy she met a while ago. I'm not really up for seeing that." I told them, leaning back against the wall.

"Dude, just bring a girl to prom. I am." Mateo said.

"No shit! Who?" Josh asked, laughing.

"Anna. She asked me and I told her I was down." He shrugged.

"Do you actually like her, bro?" Josh asked him.

"Dude, you can see how hard he's blushing. You're not very good at playing cool, Mateo." I laughed.

"I mean, we talked at her party and it was fun. I figured prom wouldn't be that bad if I went with her."

"He's so sappy. But nice, man." Josh said.

"What about you, Josh? Got a date?" 

He shook his head, "I'm gonna go there, probably by myself cause Mike will have a date, and I'm gonna dance and hang out with girls who got ditched by their couple friends."

"Sounds like a good plan, man." 

Without thinking about it I asked, "Should I ask Jenna?"

"El would hate you. You okay with that?"

El's moved on. She doesn't even need me in her life anymore. I don't mean anything to her, so why should she still mean anything to me? 

"Yeah, I mean she already hates me."

"Whatever, man. You do what you want; just make sure that you're not gonna regret anything." Josh said and I nodded. 

I headed back into the building walking to my class. Which just so happened to be the one class I share with Jenna. And El.

I sat down next to her and she looked at me, shocked, mouth open. She was about to say something but quickly closed her mouth and turned towards the teacher. 

"Today, your classwork can be done with your tablemate. You have the rest of class to finish it. If you finish early, you can work on homework. Get started." She passed out the papers and I turned to Jenna.

"So...How have you been?" 

"I've been okay. You?"

"Eh. Shit happens. But hey, I'm sorry I blew up at you last time and for being an asshole. It was my fault that all happened and I shouldn't have gotten mad at you."

"It's...Fine. But why now?" She lowered her voice, "And why in  _this_ class with your ex-girlfriend?"

"I just," I took a breath, "Do you want to go to prom with me? I'm probably not your favorite person so that's why I didn't do anything too big because I'm afraid you're gonna say no." I chuckled nervously.

"Look, Mike, are you sure? I mean El-"

"I don't care what she thinks!" I told her a little too loud. Some people turned to look at us, including El, and turned back quickly when I glared at all of them. Except for El, whose eyes held sadness. She turned around quickly after she noticed we've probably been looking at each other too long.

"Jenna, I want to go with you. At this point, I don't care what people think of me, or who I choose to ask to prom. I just...I'm asking to go with you. Do you want to go with me?"

She looked down at her hands for a minute then looked back up at me, "Mike," She grabbed one of my hands, "Yes, I'll go with you." 

I smiled and kissed her cheek before hugging her, "Mike," She laughed, "Let's finish our work. I actually need to pass this class." 

We turned to our paper, big smiles on both of our faces, and finished our work.

I looked up and saw that El was looking back at me, tears in her eyes. My smile faltered and I looked at her with a blank face. She turned towards the front, wiping her eyes, and raised her hand.

"Yes, El?" The teacher asked from her desk.

"May I-I go to the bathroom?" Her voice cracked. The teacher nodded and she bolted out of the room. 

"I should go too. If she's crying it's because of me. I should probably fix it." Jenna said from beside me. 

I put my hand over her's, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Jenna." 

"It's fine." She asked the teacher too and left to go to the bathroom.

I finished up the rest of my homework, glancing at the door every few seconds. The door finally swung open and both girls walked in. El's cheeks were red and Jenna had no expression.

Jenna sat next to me and EL sat back in her seat.

El turned around and flipped me off.

I turned to Jenna who had a scared look on her face.

_Shit. What the fuck just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IK CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN SHORT BUT I PROMISE IT'S ALL BUILDUP 
> 
> SCOUT IS CALPURNIA'S EP BLESS UP
> 
> how do you feel about @/wolfhardbrownupdates on IG (i think she deactivated) I LOVE KALEY. a lot of people probably disagree with me and will probably no longer read this whoops. but anyways, she's called out people who sexualize the ST cast (specially Finn) and I think it's important for the whole fandom to realize that they're kids and it's definitely uncomfortable for them. yeah, there has been times where Kaley has taken it too far but she's not the only one in the ST fandom who has. I do believe she does get unnecessary hate. She had actual proof of people sexualizing finn and they still called her a liar.
> 
> i dont know, that's my opinion. you might not agree with me but if you do comment something very hurtful towards her OR me i will report and allat just don't do it. i still wanna hear your opinion and just a brief why/why not. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	13. El

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im UPDATING THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO POST IM FUCKIGN DEAD LMAO WHOOPS WHAT THE FUCK I DIND'T EVEN NOTICE IM LAUGHGIN SO HARD
> 
> i just updated this THE FULL ONE

**El**

I can't believe he's taking  _her_ to prom. Did anything we have mean to him? He's taking the girl who  _tore us apart_ to one of the most romantic dances ever. Is he an idiot? Is he too fucking dumb to make sense of  _anything_? What the hell. I don't care that he asked someone; I'm just so  _angry_ and...and  _disappointed_ that he would bring her.

I raise my hand, "Yes, El?" The teacher asked.

"May I-I go to the bathroom?"  _Shit_. My voice cracked. She nodded and I ran out of the room as fast as I could.

I ran to the nearest open stall and hovered over the toilet. The nausea passed and I sat against the wall and started sobbing. 

_He doesn't get to be happy. No, not right now. He's acting like he's okay with how he fucked up my life. He...He doesn't get to be happy right now. He's a fucking shithead who-_

"El? El, it's me, Jenna."  _This bitch has the nerve to talk to me right now._ I wiped my face, hoping I wasn't too red and walked out.

"What do you want?" I asked with an attitude.

"You have got to fucking stop. You can't look at Mike with those longing eyes because it's over.  _You_ ended it. He's with me and you're with Charlie. He chose me over you and it was definitely the better choice. Hell, even while he was dating you he still chose me. When will you get it? He doesn't love you and he hasn't for a long time. Do the right and easier thing for you, and let go of him. It works out for everyone that way. Mike and I will be happy and you and Charlie will get to live in peace, not having to worry about Mike clinging to you."

She pushed me over the edge. No longer was I sad, I was  _furious._

"Don't  _you_ fucking start with me. You don't even know shit about Mike. I'd bet money that you don't even know some of the basic stuff about him. Mike will leave you sooner or later. He's only doing this to get my attention. He may think he's into you, but if you really knew him then you would know it's all fake. He's doing this in revenge for me going with Charlie. Mike is going to realize that he's with someone that doesn't give two shits about him. He will leave you and come crying back to us, his real friends. Mike will be _unsatisfied_ with you. Maybe not sexually, but emotionally, mentally, everything else. You don't have the fucking heart to care about him. You just think of him as a good fuck. You and Mike will  _never_ be happy." I walked back to the room, hearing her walk right behind me. When I walked back into the room, I turned to Mike and flipped him off. Jenna sat down next to them and he looked at her with a confused look.

Who the fuck does she think she is? Mike doesn't even like her. He would never want to date someone like her.

I turned to my paper, still angry, and finished the rest of it, ignoring the conversation Mike and Jenna were having behind me.

* * *

 

"I mean, don't you think that's kind of shitty? Like, I don't care but I mean he's taking the girl he  _cheated_ on me with to prom. Is he trying to say I didn't mean shit to him? It's fucking annoying."

"Damn, El, for someone who 'doesn't care' it sounds like you care a lot." Charlie said, annoyed.

"Oh shit. Charlie, baby, no I'm sorry. It's just I did spend five years of my life dating him so it just pissed me off a little. But I swear, I'm over him."

"El, you keep saying that. It's getting tiring. I don't even know what we are and you rant about Mike so much to the point where it sounds like you're still in love with him. We shouldn't even bother with prom then."

"No, Charlie, I'm sorry. I was his best friend before I was his girlfriend and I guess it was weird to not be any of them. I'm so used to looking out for him. I'm just...worried. That's all, no feelings involved." I grabbed his hand, "I...I am really into you. And maybe if you're really into me we could, I don't know, put some kind of label on it. So I know what to introduce you to my friends as. So?"

He pecked my lips, "I think I like the label boyfriend and girlfriend. Sounds like the perfect way to describe us."

I smiled, "Now, when should I introduce you to my friends?"

"How about right now?"

* * *

 

"So...This is Charlie, my... _boyfriend_." I smiled as I tried out the new word to describe the person standing next to me, holding my hand nervously in fear of what my friends would think of him.

"AH! Boyfriend? You never told me this!" Max screamed as she hugged me. Charlie kept space between him and Max, knowing that she was still sensitive. Max sent me a quick thankful glance and returned to her spot next to Lucas. She grabbed his hand and his face was shocked then extremely happy. 

"Since, like, thirty minutes ago?"

"What's up, Charlie? El talks about you non-stop. Like, literally, non-stop. We can never get her to shut up about you. It's kind of annoying." Dustin said as he shook hands with Charlie.

"Dustin, can  _you_ shut up? Hi, Charlie, I'm Will. And this is my boyfriend, Andrew." They both shook hands with Charlie and I smiled.

"Ah, the famous Will, El always says you're her favorite brother."

"Char! I told you to never tell him that. Now, he's gonna use it against me for the rest of my life." I whined.

The door swung open and Mike and Jenna stumbled through it, laughing and holding hands. My stomach dropped at the sight, knowing that that should've been us.

I know I've been telling everyone that I'm 'so over Mike' or 'never going back to him' but my heart is still skipping beats when I see him and I feel like running back into his arms. I spent five years with him, it's normal right? 

I still imagine what my future would've looking like with him. I'd be working my dream job, a teacher to special kids, and he would become a science professor at any college he wanted to teach at. 

We would've been married by ourselves first. I don't know who would propose. Knowing me, I would propose to him if I thought he was taking too long to ask me. We would get one of our friends ordained online and then have a small wedding with just us, Max, Lucas, Dustin, Will, and (hopefully) Andrew. Then, we would have a big wedding ceremony in front of all of our ish-friends, family, and those relatives your parents make you invite because they're still considered 'family.' 

The big ceremony would be somewhere outdoors, we both loved the idea of that. The reception would be somewhere familiar, I even like the idea of Benny's, our favorite diner. We would dance to "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie. The song that we first bonded over together. I would whine to him that we would need games at the reception because I always told him how bored I got at weddings. He would probably say no at first and complain that it's weird because we're grown adults and I would pester him until he said yes (which always worked). Max would be my Maid of Honor and Sarah one of my bridesmaids. Mike would get frustrated and probably choose all the boys as his Best Man because he couldn't choose between all of his best friends. We would dance, sing, and be happy all night.

Life would go on and eventually, hopefully, we would've had kids. I, personally, want three; two girls, one boy. Mike always said as long as they were our kids that he would want as many as possible. For our girls, I would definitely want them to have Mike's straight hair because I already have enough trouble with my curls; I can't deal with anymore. They would be the perfect mix of me and Mike. His freckles and hair, my eyes and nose. For our little boy, I want him to look like my husband as much as possible. His hair, his freckles, his eyes, his nose, his everything (well maybe not Mike's sense of style). 

I want to be able to come home and have our children come running once they hear me come in. Mike would always get home before me because I usually ran late talking to worried parents. Mike would trail behind the kids and peck my lips and our kids would respond with 'ew' and 'not here' and we would laugh. Mike would make dinner (because I can't cook) and I would tell him about my day, about the kids and the one bitch at work that I hate. Then, we'd sit together as a family and eat dinner and he'd talk about his day. He'd tell me about all the funny stories his class would tell him and ask advice about what to do about his struggling kids. 

We'd sleep in the same bed every night and wake up to each other every morning. I would always fall asleep last and wake up first because I love looking at how peaceful he looks when he's sleeping. When he sleeps, he shows no trace of stress. It's like nothing can bother him in his sleep. He's so calm and undisturbed. When he's like that, I fall in love with him all over again. When he finally wakes up, we fight over who gets to shower first. Or sometimes, we'll shower together, to 'save water and the earth' or some stupid excuse like that that Mike would make up. We'd get our kids dressed (more like  _I_ get our kids dressed) and eat a quick breakfast together before I take the kids to school and Mike goes off to work. 

Life would be happy for us. We'd have all of our friends and family constant in life. There would be no drama. 

And as I looked at Mike and Jenna stumble in, I looked up at Charlie and back at Mike.  

I wonder, did Mike ever think of a future for us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE'S MORE I JUST REALIZED I ACCIDENTALLLY POSTED IT
> 
> I WAS FUCKING HALF ASLEEP LAST NIGHT AND ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THE CH INSTEAD OF SAVING IT AS A DRAFT
> 
> i'm sorry that updates are late and pretty short. family stuff has been happening and i didn't feel like writing. i threw myself into school work and that didn't help that much. BUT tonight i'm away from all that and writing this is now my escape. so of course...
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	14. Mike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prom. 
> 
> From Mike's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a day or two late. I have been building up to this moment and hopefully it's not gonna disappoint.

**Mike**

Today's the day. The most "important" day of any high school senior's life.

Prom.

I rented a tux, bought a corsage, matched with my date, everything is set. But it still doesn't feel right.

_Maybe that's because you're going with Jenna and not..._

I pushed the thougt out of my mind. These past few months with Jenna have been great. I've learned more about her and saw the deeper side to her. 

She lost her dad and brother 2 years ago in a car accident. Her brother was only 10 years old. She explained how it really took a toll on her and, sometimes, it still takes her a few minutes to gather herself before she can go out. She was really close to her dad too and told me stories of how they would play in their backyard together. I realized that there was a lot more to Jenna than I thought there was. Even if this whole  _thing_ didn't turn out well I would still push to be one of her friends. 

I looked in the mirror one last time and straightened my dark blue tie before leaving to go downstairs. My mom saw me coming down and before I could run out of the house, she stopped me and brought out her phone to take pictures.

"Mom," I whined, "Is this really necessary? I have to go pick up my date!" 

"Michael! Smile! I'm gonna send this to your grams." I gave a pained smile and she gave me a pointed look before I genuinely smiled. She finally finished and as I was leaving I heard her yell, "I sent them to Nancy too!" I groaned out loud before hopping in the car.

My phone beeped as I started the car.

 _From: ugly sister  
_ _you look so adorable with your suit and tie! i'm going to make fun of you for this look forever. it's going on my insta, snap, twitter, hell, i'll even post it on tumblr. all with the captions 'look at my baby brother, stunnin' the competish' how does it sound??_

I laughed at the text and replied back

 _To: ugly sister  
_ _excuse me, I happen to think I look charming and handsome. go ahead, nance, post it EVERYWHERE all the comments will be about how good i look. and maybe take out 'stunnin the competish' because let's be real: i look so good that there is no 'competish'_

I sent the text, chucking to myself. 

My relationship with Nancy went downhill after the El thing, probably because El called her and told her all about it and how she felt. Nancy and I were distant for a few months but then I started texting her daily and trying to make everything better. We eventually got back to a closer relationship and I felt better for that.

 _At least I didn't fuck up_ that  _relationship._

I finally started driving the same route I've been driving almost everyday for 2 months. I reached her house and knocked on the door. Her mom answered the door and squealed.

"Mike! You look so handsome!" She hugged me and I returned the hug.

Jenna's mom didn't know anything that Jenna and I did before we were dating. Or at least, I don't think she knows. I think she has her suspicions but isn't voicing them. 

I turned to the stairs and saw Jenna coming down. Her dress, which I matched my tie with, was a dark blue dress that went all the way down to the floor. There were no straps and there was a sequined belt (part of the dress) around her waist. 

She looked  _beautiful._

My mouth was open as I gaped at her. I finally figured out how to talk again and closed my mouth. "Jenna, you look beautiful, stunning." 

"Thank you, Mike. You look handsome as well." Her hand touched my face and I smiled. We heard a camera click and turned to her mom who was smiling from ear to ear.

"Let me get a few pictures and then you guys can go off to meet your friends and all that."

We took pictures for another 15 minutes with a variety of poses. We left the house, hugging her mom, and we went into my car.

As we got in the car I could tell Jenna was uneasy. "Jen, you okay?"

"I'm just...I wish my dad and brother could see me tonight. I always talked about this night with my dad especially. I guess I just miss them." My heart fell at the sentence. 

My dad and sister were gone but they weren't  _gone_ , they were still alive and I could call them if I needed to. Jenna...She can't call her dad and brother anytime she wants. 

I kissed her cheek, then her neck and buried my head into her neck and she leaned against me. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But, don't let it bring you down. Dance, sing, have fun for them."

She grabbed my hand, "Thank you, Mike. You had no reason to be my friend, much less my date. I..." Her voice faltered, "I l-...I like spending time with you. It makes me happy."

"It makes me happy too." I smiled back at her, before looking at the road and start to drive.

* * *

 

After we left Jenna's house, we met up with some friends at a nice spot to take pictures. We spent about an hour there then we all drove to eat before going to the actual dance. It was me and Jenna, one of Jenna's friends and her date, Josh and Mateo and their dates.

We were now on our way to the actual dance. The drive there made me feel uneasy and I tried my best to hide it from Jenna.

"I get that you didn't think you'd be going to prom with me. I know you probably always pictured it with El." Jenna said, eyes focused on her hands in her lap.

"I'm happy and I feel lucky that I'm going with you."

"I'm a bitch, Mike. Everyone knows it. Hell, everyone is surprised that you still stick around me."

"Jenna, I've told you a million times and I'll tell you again. Do not beat yourself up. I am happy to be here with you and I want to have a fun night with you. I'm not with you because I feel like I have to or anything like that. I'm with you because I chose to come here with you. Now, come on, before everyone ditches us inside." She smiled and I kissed her cheek before running over to her side to open the door. As she stepped out I was holding her hand and helping her climb out. We went inside the school gym (our school is too cheap to let us have it anywhere else) and took a few  _more_ pictures before actually entering the dance.

"It's all I imagined it to be." Jenna said as we walked inside and as she stared at all the decorations. The theme tonight was  _A Night In Paris._ Cheesy, but cute.

_It sucks a little. El and I planned for this dance for years and we didn't even get to go together._

"Let's go join everyone and dance!" I pulled her towards the dance floor and we started "jumping" around to the beat and after 20 minutes we went to go get something to drink. 

We grabbed some lemonade and when I turned...That's when I saw her.

Her dress was light pink, her favorite color, and was floor length but had a slit going up her left thigh. It was two pieces, the top was lace and had some kind of off-the-shoulder straps and the bottom had little pleats and a bow around her waist. Her makeup was simple and pink, yet still very obvious. Her hair was curly tonight, but not it's usual messy curls. Her curls were looser and more...bouncier than they usually are. She had a few strands out and they framed her perfect face.

She met my eyes and I quickly turned back to Jenna who was looking at the different kinds of decorations that hung on the back wall. 

Josh and his date, Dani, met up with us and we talked and joked for a few minutes.

I couldn't get my mind off of El, she looked amazing. I looked back at her and saw that she was in the arms of her date, Charlie. The happiness I was feeling two seconds ago went away in less than a second. 

_I should be holding her tonight._

* * *

We've been at this dance for 2 and a half hours and at this point I was just sitting down, too tired from all the dancing. Without thinking about it, I looked around for El and found that she was nowhere to be seen. 

Jenna was in the bathroom with Anna, Mateo's date, and they take forever when they're together. I looked over at the girls' bathroom and saw Jenna emerge with a worried look on her face.

I walked over to her to meet her halfway, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I think...I think someone spiked El's drink. She's completely drunk." Anna said.

"Why? Did she say somethin...out of character or something?"

Jenna nodded, "She's usually rude to me, which I understand, but she even lashed out at Anna and said some stuff that was really hurtful. She was straight up cold."

"I mean, it's not really my problem. Charlie can take care of her." I told them both.

"Don't be an ass, Mike. Something's wrong with her and your only response is, 'It's not my problem.' Jesus, Mike, show some sympathy." Anna said before storming off.

"Mike, she's in trouble. Don't you wanna help her?" 

I shook my head, "Even if I wanted to, I'm not the person El wants to see. I wasn't lying, Charlie can take care of her."

From across the room I could hear El screaming at someone.

"...You don't even care! You...You don't even like me! Bitch!" El was screaming at Charlie. She slapped his face and he put his hands up.

"The fuck, El? You know what, I'm fucking done. I didn't do shit. You're the one who been staring at her ex-boyfriend all night! I just talked with her for the five minutes you weren't paying attention to me!" Charlie walked away from El, brushing her shoulder as he walked by. 

El's face was already tear-stained and now she started crying even more, which made it look worse. I considered walking towards her and asking if she needed help but I decided to stay away. She wouldn't want to see me anyways.

I saw that El sat down at the nearest table and played with the flowers. Jenna said something I couldn't understand, but I nodded my head and she left. I looked back at El and saw that she looked sick and like she needed to throw up. On cue, she ran to the bathroom and that was the last I saw of her.

I joined Josh and Mateo at our table and we proceeded to talk about stuff coming up like projects. We talked for a good 10 minutes before we all decided that we needed a little alcohol break form tonight.

We walked outside and took a swig of the flasks that we all brought. My flask had vodka in it and damn it tasted good. Drinking made me feel a little bit better for a while.

We stood out there for 5 minutes before someone came rushing out screaming my name.

"MIKE! IS MIKE OUT HERE?" A random girl called.

"Yo, right over here!" I yelled to grab her attention.

She ran over to me, "El says she needs you. Right now." My eyes widened as I dropped the flask and ran straight for the girls' bathroom. 

I burst into the girls bathroom, "El? El, are you okay?" I asked frantically.

"Mike." I heard a small whimper come from the second stall. I rushed over and pushed it gently and found El hovering over the toilet, blood everywhere.

"Oh my god, El, what happened? Where's Max? Will? Lucas? Dustin? Fuck, we need to go to the hospital." I moved to carry her and she flinched.

"They're all gone. They wanted to go home but I wanted to stay with Charlie so I told them that I was fine and Charlie would take me home. I can't move and... _dammit,_ Mike, I just wanted to have fun for one night." She started crying and I moved to hug her. 

"El, baby, honey, I have to get you outside at least. I need to get call an ambulence. Shit." I grabbed my phone and dialed 9-1-1.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"My, fuck, my girlfriend is vomiting blood. She's 18 and we're at Indiana High School. She's breathing and concious but I think she's going to faint."

"We've sent an ambulence, stay where you are." I hung up the call and put my phone back in my pocket.

10 minutes later we were in the ambulence and on our way to the hopital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10:24 pm HAHA I JUST CAME UP IWTH A REALLY GOOD IDEA FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER AND TEH PART 2 IN THSI SERIES
> 
> JENNA'S DRESS:  
> https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjMypuooNLaAhUI92MKHZpVDKoQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2F4nowfashion.com%2Fproducts%2Fnavy-strapless-chiffon-dress-with-rhinestone-belt&psig=AOvVaw2pJJct3FgfqFn2B5Pjbup-&ust=1524636662092080
> 
> EL'S DRESS:  
> https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwi2x6mwodLaAhUJzGMKHVZfBsoQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.27dress.com%2Fp%2Flovely-two-pieces-pink-lace-prom-dress-two-pieces-split-104267.html&psig=AOvVaw1CfEUaiYegZ15GDMgs-KIG&ust=1524636822173611
> 
> yes btw in that part where jenna is all like "i...i l-" she was about to say "i love you" to mike. lil fast jenna
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	15. El

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prom. 
> 
> From's El's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof

**El**

"El! Charlie's here!" I heard my dad call from the front door. 

Will had already left and taken pictures so now all the attention was on me and my date. 

I took one last look in the mirror, fixing the strands around my face. I took a deep breath before dramatically walking down the stairs.

_This is what you've wanted for years. Don't mess up because your date isn't who you originally planned._

I reached the bottom of the stairs and saw Charlie talking with my dad. His tie matched my dress a light pink that complimented his skin very well. His head toward me and his jaw dropped.

"El, you look beautiful." Charlie said as he grabbed my hand.

I kissed his cheek, "You look handsome."

"Ok! Get together! I want to take a picture!" Joyce took so many pictures I felt blind. 

"Ah! Joyce, I'm going blind!" I said as I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. You both look so cute!" I smiled and we took a few more pictures before deciding we should go.

"Ok, honey, they have to go somewhere. Let them go." Dad said, taking the camera from Joyce while laughing.

Joyce, teary eyed, came over to both of us and hugged us before pushing out the door. We finally reached the car and Charlie opened it for me.

As I stepped in I heard my dad yell, "She better be back by 1!" Charlie and I looked at each other and laughed.

We pulled into the parking lot of IHOP to get some food before the dance. The waitress gave us a funny look before sitting us down and handing us menus.

"Guess it's not common for people to come here in a fancy dress and tux." I said as I was eating my pancakes.

"Or maybe people don't eat 4 waffles in a fancy dress." 

"I'm hungry! Leave me and my waffles alone." I took another bite just to prove my point. 

_I can be happy tonight._

* * *

 

"It's so pretty." I said, gazing at the decorations. Charlie and I had just finished taking another picture. 

I looked around at my surroundings. A fake Eiffel Tower in the center of the gym. Lights were hanging all across the room. It was perfect.

_If it's so perfect, why do I feel so uneasy inside?_

The answer was easy. Charlie is great but he's no Mike. Mike, the boy I planned to go to this dance with for 5 years. I can't just stand here and act like I forgot about all that. I don't know if he felt the same way. But, I'm here with Charlie. And Charlie is good. He's smart. He's kind. He's loving. I could fall for him, in time. 

"Let's go dance." Charlie said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the dance floor. I gave him a weak smile.

We danced for about 15 minutes until I felt like getting a drink. I asked Charlie to get me some water and he kissed my cheek before walking off. I went back to the table where my stuff was at, sore already after 15 minutes. 

And that's when I saw him.

He was standing by himself by the drinks. He was holding a cup of lemonade and looking around the room as if he was looking for someone. He was wearing a black suit, white buttoned up shirt, and a blue tie. His hair was messy, but in a good way. 

He looked  _good._

I looked down at my phone to try and distract myself from looking at him. I looked up and could've sworn he was looking at me too. We both turned away quickly and I saw that Charlie brought me my water.

"Finally." I rolled my eyes and laughed. I opened it and took a sip.

"The water bottle demand is high right now. It took like 5 minutes for me to even move 5 feet closer to the table to get this." He joked.

Something was weird about all this. I was looking at Mike, who was near the drink table, and didn't see more than four people that whole time. But, who knows, maybe Charlie ran into a friend?

"So...Do you know anybody from here?" I asked him.

"No one who's here right now. All of my friends from here are at home and ditched this." 

"Oh."

"It's okay. I'm spending the night with the most beautiful girl in the world. Like actually. How did I get this lucky?" He wrapped his arms around me and we swayed like that to the music for a while.

And I saw him, looking at me and Charlie. Even with the big smile on my face, the look of sheer disappointment was enough to make my heart hurt.

* * *

 

I've been at the dance for 2 hours and I couldn't think straight anymore. 

_I need to pee._

"I'm gonna go pee!" I told Charlie and he nodded.

I stumbled towards the girls' (I hope, at least) bathroom and went into the open stall. I did my business and walked over to the sink and washed my hands.

"Hi, El." I heard someone say to me. I looked over and saw  _her_ and her friend. 

"What do y...you want?" I asked them, trying to make a mean look on my face.

"Are you drunk?" Her friend--I think her name is Anna--asked.

"Is it your fu-fucking business?" I told her.

"El, chill!" Jenna said as she stepped in between us.

I started laughing. I was laughing so hard to the point where I was clutching my stomach because it hurt so much. "Y-You want me to chill! The girl who my boyfriend cheated on me with...Is telling  _me_ to chill!" I started laughing even more. Soon, my laughter died out and I was just staring at her. "He doesn't love you. He doesn't  _want_ you like he wanted me. I can already tell. So, d-don't tell me to "chill" or a-anything like that."

"Ok, El, you need to fucking stop. What the fuck?" Anna said. She grabbed Jenna's hand, "Jen, we're going. C'mon."

I washed my hands again and put my hands on the edge to brace myself.

_My head is pounding. Why does it hurt so much? I didn't even drink tonight. The only thing I had was the water that Charlie gave me._

Charlie did this?

I walked (more like stumbled) out of the bathroom and saw Charlie. I saw that another girl came up to him and he started talking to her. He stroked her arm and touched her hair. My heart fell down to my stomach.

I stormed up to the girl. I stuck out my hand, "Hi. I'm El. I'm his girlfriend." She gave me a dirty look before walking away.

"El, what the fuck? We were just talking." Charlie complained.

"You were flirting." I said.

"You're drunk."

"And whose fault is that?!" I yelled at him. His eyes went wide then his face changed into a confused expression.

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Did you even want to come tonight? With me? Or were you just going with me to find another girl here?"

"Baby, please-" He grabbed my hand.

I yanked my hand away from him, "Don't call me baby! This," I gestured to both of us, "is fake isn't it? It's all a lie. You don't even care! You...You don't even like me! Bitch!" With all the anger I had, I slapped him in the face. 

He put his hands up, "The fuck, El? You know what, I'm fucking done. I didn't do shit. You're the one who been staring at her ex-boyfriend all night! I just talked with her for the five minutes you weren't paying attention to me!" He walked away, brushing my shoulder in the process.

I stood there shocked and disappointed. I noticed that everyone around me was staring so I went back to my table and sat down. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I started crying.

_Because why? Why does this always happen to me? Why? What have I done so wrong that I deserved all this? Why can't I find a guy who won't cheat on me or use me?_

I felt my stomach turn and I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. I ran into the second stall and started throwing up. 

_Maybe it was the alcohol in my water._

I threw up some more but this time, there was blood. 

"He-Help!" I called out. "Help me please!" I banged on the door, not being able to reach high enough to unlock the door.

"Hello? What do you need help with?" A girl standing outside my door asked.

And before I could stop myself, "I-I'm throwing up blood. C-Can you get Mike Wheeler please? Please." I started crying, screaming from the pain that hit me in my chest. 

She ran out and I finally gathered enough strength to unlock the door and push it open a little. 

Mike burst into the girls bathroom, "El? El, are you okay?" He asked frantically.

"Mike." I said in a small whimper. He rushed over and gasped when he saw the blood that covered the whole stall.

"Oh my god, El, what happened? Where's Max? Will? Lucas? Dustin? Fuck, we need to go to the hospital." He asked. He moved closer but I flinched away.

"They're all gone. They wanted to go home but I wanted to stay with Charlie so I told them that I was fine and Charlie would take me home. I can't move and... _dammit,_ Mike, I just wanted to have fun for one night." I started crying and he moved to hug me. 

"El, baby, honey, I have to get you outside at least. I need to get call an ambulence. Shit." He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. _Baby. Honey._  

"911, what is your emergency?" I heard from his phone. 

"My, fuck, my girlfriend is vomiting blood. She's 18 and we're at Indiana High School. She's breathing and concious but I think she's going to faint." 

And slowly, my vision started fading and going black.

_My girlfriend._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn this chapter was SHITTTT. i have finals in like two weeks and gave up studying religion (i go to a catholic school) to write this. #noragrets 
> 
> sooo uhhh y'all were sayin how much you like charlie...
> 
> I LOVE YOU AND HAVE A GREAT DAY (and good luck on finals if you taking them. god knows i need it)


	16. Mike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically a recap in one sentence:
> 
> El's in the hospital and Mike's right by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so excited to write this
> 
> I JUST FINISHED FINALS YESSS
> 
> BUT HEY SO I'M NOT A DOCTOR AND SO THESE MEDICAL STUFF THINGS WILL MOST LIKELY NOT BE ACCURATE. AHA. I'VE ONLY WATCHED GREY'S ANATOMY AND ACCORDING TO MY MOM (A NURSE) THE SHOW IS HELLA INACCURATE. 
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS HERE WE GO

**Mike**

 

"El, baby, stay awake. Just until we get there. We're only two minutes away." I begged El. Her eyes were fluttering.

"Mike." El groaned.

I grabbed her hand, "Hi, El, I'm right here."

"Don't leave please. I'm s-scared." A tear fell from her eye. 

"I'm not leaving it's okay. I'm right here." The ambulence suddenly stopped and the paramedics pushed past me and pulled El's stretcher out of the ambulence.

They transferred her onto a gurney and started running her to an isolated area. I tried running into the room with them but they kept me out.

"Please! Just let me stay with her! I told her I wouldn't leave her. I won't say anything. Please, just let me stay with her." I screamed at the nurse.

She gave me a sad look before looking at another nurse behind me. "Sorry, sweetie, we can't let you in." The other nurse put her arm on my back and guided me to the waiting area. 

"What's your name?" She asked me.

I didn't respond. 

"Do you want something to drink?"

I didn't respond.

I feel...numb? I don't feel anything. Or maybe, I feeling so many things and I can't name any of them. My head is racing and my heart is pounding. 

"Where is she?" A familiar voice shouted from my right. I turned and I saw him at the desk asking for her. 

"Hopper," I called out to him. Joyce was right next to him and she walked up to me arms open. I hugged her tightly and started crying.

Joyce let me go and Hopper nodded to me, "What the hell happened, kid?" 

"She started coughing blood...then vomiting blood...I don't know. She was already surrounded by blood. Maybe...Maybe, I don't know, if I wasn't such an _asshole_ I could have been there when it first started. I-I could've called sooner. She could've been better right now." I broke down again. Joyce hugged me. 

"Honey, it's not your fault. El has been sick for two years now. You couldn't have caused that. You couldn't have. It's not your fault."

"El Hopper?" The doctor asked the room. 

We all got up and walked to him. He looked at me and looked at Hopper, "I can only give this information to the family."

"Bullshit! I brought her in and I can't even know what's going on?" 

Joyce held me back, "Mike, it's okay. We'll tell you once we come back."

I nodded reluctantly and went back to sit down in the waiting room. 

Every minute was torture. I couldn't sit still. Hopper and Joyce went into her room and that  _bullshit_ doctor wouldn't let me in her room. 

 _What if this_ is  _all my fault? I should've been with her tonight. Instead, she went with that asshole who left her alone._

While waiting for Hopper and Joyce to get back, I decided to call our- _her-_ friends to tell them what happened.

I called Will first.

"Mike?" He asked.

"Hey, Will, are you with everyone else?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you put me on speaker?" I paused to let him turn it on.

"Ok, Mike, everyone can hear you."

" _Why is Mike calling?"_ Some in the background, probably Max, asked.

"Hi guys. Um, uh, s-something," My voice started cracking. I took a deep, shaky breath before starting again, "El is in the hospital. At prom, after you all left, she started coughing up blood and vomiting. I found her and I called the police. They called in Hopper and Joyce and right now they're talking to them."

They were quiet for a few seconds. Then Lucas spoke up, "We're on our way." 

"Mike?" Joyce called from behind me. I stood up so fast that I almost tripped over myself and walked over ot her.

"What's wrong? Is she okay now? Can I see her?" I asked.

Hopper started tearing up and Joyce clung to him like her life depended on it. 

_She's gone._

_She's dead._

_It's my fault._

I started crying. Joyce grabbed me, "No, Mike, shit we're sorry. She's not okay, but she's not gone. She's not gone." Joyce gave me a small smile.

"Can I see her?"

Hopper shook his head, "She's going into surgery. The tumor in her lungs...It's making it hard for her to breathe. If she doesn't get it removed, she'll be breathing from a tube and more. But, with this surgery, one of the possibilities is that something goes wrong and they can't take it out."

"How long will it take?" I asked, just desperate to see her. 

"It can take two to six hours. Mike, why don't you go home? You've been here for two hours already. Go home, change, take a nap."

I looked down at what I was wearing. I was still wearing my dress pants and shoes but took off the dress shirt and jacket. I was wearing a regular _Star Wars_ t-shirt. 

_It can't hurt to go home and change into more comfortable clothes. I'll come back right after._

"I'll go home, but  _just_ to change. I told Will and them what happened and they're on their way. Please make sure they know that I didn't leave her." I didn't need them to think any worse of me.

Joyce nodded and I turned to the exit of the hospital.

I realized I left my car at school since I went with El in the ambulance.

_Fuck._

_School._

_Prom._

_Jenna._

I pulled out my phone and saw that Jenna had called me 8 times and text 23 times.

I dialed her number and she answered on the 4 ring, "Hello?" I asked.

"What the fuck, Mike? You left out of nowhere. I had to ask Mateo for a ride home. Where the fuck did you go? You know what, I don't even care." She hung up and I stared at my phone.

_I'll call her back later. I just need to go home and get back here quickly._

I took an UBER to the school and found that my car was the only one in the parking lot. I got in and raced home.

 

* * *

I opened the door quietly and found my mom sitting at the table. 

"Where the hell have you been? It's 2 am, Michael. I said be back by 1 at the latest." She told me, whisper-yelling because Holly was asleep upstairs. She looked at my dress shirt in my hands and grabbed it. She gasped, "Is this blood? Is this your blood? Did you get in a fight?"

"Look, Mom, I just need to shower and change. I have to go-" 

She cut me off, "Bullshit you think you're going out! You came home an hour after I told you to, your shirt is stained with blood, and you still think you can leave with no explanation? No, not in my house."

"But Mom-"

"Go up to your room!" She firmly said. 

I went to my room and sat on my bed, head in hands. 

_I need to go back. It's already been an hour. There was probably an update. I have to be the first one there. I have to be the one she wakes up to._

I got up and went to the bathroom to shower. The blood from my hands washed away. 

That's what I find so great about showers. They just  _wash_ everything away. I can stand here and just feel my worries going away for a few minutes. Sure, it's not long but it's something. I escape the pain for a moment. I forget all that's happening and all I can feel is the water falling onto my skin. I can feel every single drop. I can feel it taking away the hurt and pain. It takes away my guilt.

And then I step out. And it all comes back.

I dried my hair and put on sweats and a hoodie. I opened the window in the bathroom and climbed out of it since it was easier than my room. 

I climbed out onto the roof and used the hidden ladder near Nancy's old room. I went down quietly and used my old bike that was hidden in the bushes. I got on and started biking to the hospital.

* * *

"Is she out yet?" I asked Hopper. It had already been 3 hours since I left. 

Hopper shook his head, "They came out with an update and said that they were almost done."

"Where is everyone?"

"Joyce brought them all down to the cafeteria." He said, voice cold. We sat in the chairs nearby.

I knew it was the time to finally ask the question I've been dying to ask him for days. "Are you mad at me?"

"For bringing her to the hospital? She's alive because of you." He played with the coffee cup in his hands.

"You know what I'm talking about."

He was quiet. I stared down at my shoes; the guilt pushing tears to my eyes. 

"I'm not mad, kid. But, you don't know what hell she put herself through. When we first found out, she didn't want to tell you because she thought you would abandon her. She...She was in such a depressed state that I had to sign her up for meetings with a therapist twice a week. Mondays and Wednesdays," He set his cup down on the table next to him and sat back.

I remember noticing the mood change. She went from being my happy, full of life, girlfriend to closing herself to the world. I thought something happened with her sister and mom so I didn't ask about it. I never asked about it until she told me.

Maybe that's what the problem was.

I didn't ask her what was wrong. I didn't ask why she didn't want to go out anymore or didn't tell me anything. I didn't ask why she  _always_ had something keeping her busy on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Hopper rubbed circles on the side of his head, "I remember that the only time she would smile was with you," He chuckled, "And god, now that I know that she  _knew about you_ that whole time, she loves-loved-you so much."

A tear fell from my eye and I put my head in my hands. 

"So, am I mad? If I were mad, I would have beaten the shit out of you already. But, I don't need to do that. You're already doing that to yourself. And, in my opinion, that's worse than any kind of shit I would do." He got up and walked out, patting me on the back as he left. 

He's right. It's my fault and now I'm the one who has to suffer. 

_It's all my fault._

 

 

 

 

 

**next chapter is the last chapter!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MESSAGE ME ON TUMBLR: DRIZZY-FINN
> 
> holy shit guys. hi! i've been gone for a whole damn month!! 
> 
> sorry yall i got caught up in finals and if you saw the note i posted (i deleted it already) then you know that i was really stressin
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY


	17. El

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally have no excuse for being gone for almost a month AGAIN. sorry guys <3

**El**

I woke up to three things.

Pain, a bright light, and six faces staring at me.

"I think she's awake." A voice whispered.

"Maybe. I can't tell if her eyes are open or closed." Another voice whispered.

"Dad?" I quietly asked.

I felt a hand touch the top of my head, "Hey, kid. I'm right here."

"What happened?" I asked.

"You started coughing up blood at the dance so Mike took you here. They controlled whatever was happening and while they were doing that...they...they took out the tumor in your chest."

 _Tumor...out? Gone?_ "It's actually gone?" I asked, hoping that it wasn't a cruel joke.

"Yes, it's actually gone."

"Like...really, really gone?"

He laughed and kissed my forehead, "Yes. It's really, really,  _really_ gone."

I smiled really big and tears streamed down my cheeks.

_Mike. I have to thank him._

"Hey guys...I love you guys and I'm thankful you're all here but...Where's Mike? I really want to talk to him."

They all looked at each other with uneasy looks and were obviously trying to avoid answering the question.

"Please...I know you all think that he isn't good for me and that I shouldn't talk to him but I really need to talk to him. He brought me here and helped me and I should at least thank him."

Joyce stepped forward and held my hand,"El, sweetie, Mike left."

I was confused. What was so bad with him leaving? They can easily call him and ask him to come swing by.

"Then can you call him please?" They all looked around nervously at each other.  _I just want to talk to Mike. Is that so bad?_ "Hello? Can someone call him?" I asked.

Lucas looked at them then to me,"El...When Joyce says he left...We mean-"

Max cut him off, "El, Mike left town. He probably got on a bus yesterday. But he just left. Nobody knows where he went."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes. He couldn't even say goodbye to me? I know we weren't on the best terms but...it doesn't make sense.

"Can I...Can I be alone right now? I'm still tired. I love you all and thank you so much for coming here." They all nodded and left the room. Joyce and Dad lingered but I nodded my head to give them a sign to say "I'm okay."

They walked out and I looked up at the ceiling.

_Why would he just leave like that? Why couldn't he say goodbye? Why didn't he wait until I woke up?_

I pulled my pillow and put it on top of my face and let out a scream. I turned to my side to put the pillow back but something scratched my neck. 

"What the-" I pulled it from under me and found it was an envelope.

' _To my Mouthbreather_ ' it read. I sat up quick and opened the letter. Inside there was 2 pieces of binder paper, many words scribbled out and tear drops splattered on the paper. 

 

_Dear ~~my love~~ ~~mouthbreather~~ El,_

_Words cannot fully describe how I feel right now. But, by the time you're reading this, I'm already gone._

_I skipped town, El._

_I graduated early because of the early orientation I was offered at a college._   _My parents gave me money and I have some saved from work so don't worry I won't be homeless._

_El...I left because of you. No, you didn't do anything wrong. I can't keep hurting you, El. You don't deserve that. Our friends don't deserve that. They don't need to keep being awkward everytime we're all in the same room._

There was a tear drop before the next paragraph.

_El, love, there are not enough words in this world to describe how sorry I am. I ~~hate~~ fucking hate what I did to you. I lost you, my ~~girlfr~~ best friend and girlfriend. I never wanted to lose you. I don't know why I did it. Now I only know I never should have done it. ~~I still love you.~~ I'm sorry. I hope that one day our paths will cross again and, who knows, maybe something could happen. _

_You are, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me. For all these years, you stuck by me through my shit. You were there for me when I was mad at my mom and didn't have anyone else to run to. You were there to ~~love~~ comfort me when I missed ~~my big sister~~ Nancy so much to the point where I was breaking down and screaming. You are what made my shitty life so wonderful. _

_And now, I'm ~~gonna~~ going to let you go. I hope that whatever college you did end up going to (I hope you're going to NYU with Will. You both love it so much.) that you'll do great. I already know you're going to be amazing. You're going to become the therapist you've always wanted to be and you're going to help so many people. _

_I ~~lo~~ ~~will always remember~~ love you. _

_From,  
Michael T. Wheeler_

My eyes have non-stop tears flowing out of them. My heart is beating fast and I can hear it on the monitor. My mind is going a million miles an hour.

All these things I notice but I don't pay attention to.

Because all I can think about is him.

* * *

"Say cheese!" Joyce said as she snapped another picture of me and Will.

"Mom, hurry, we're going to be late!" Will whined from beside me. 

"Sorry to have to agree with him, Joyce, but he's right." I said, giving her a nervous smile. 

She took one more before walking over to us and kissing the top of our heads, "I love you both so much." 

"We love you too. But now we really have to go." Will said, breaking apart from the hug to grab his keys.

I walked into the kitchen where my mom and Sarah were talking with dad. I hugged them all, "Bye guys. I gotta go." 

"We'll see you in two hours!" My dad said from the kitchen.

Will and I drove to the venue the graduation would be held at. It was quiet until Will spoke up.

"Do you think he'll be there?" He asked.

It was already obvious who he was talking about. Mike, of course. I decided to not tell anyone about Mike's letter to me. It just didn't feel right. It felt like something that was only between the two of us.

"I doubt it. He hasn't shown up for the past few weeks of school. Why would he show up for graduation?"

"Do you believe he got the early orientation thing at MIT?" 

"He's really smart. And, nobody can skip that many days of school without being at risk for not graduating. It's the only logical answer, isn't it?"

"I guess you're right." 

The rest of the car ride was quiet, with only the radio playing in the background. We reached the venue and I got my cap and gown out of the back seat and put it on.

"You ready?" Will asked from the other side of the car.

"Is anyone?" I replied and closed the door. We started walking to the main stage to find the rest of our group. 

"Will! El!" Dustin called from the right side of the room. He was standing with Lucas and Max. We walked over to them and we all hugged. 

"Damn. We're graduating." Lucas said.

"It's weird. Ew. Can we go back to freshman year?" Max replied.

"I think we can all agree that freshman year is literally the worst year in all of school years. It's hell." Dustin said. We all laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Students, please get in your seats! We're starting to prepare now!" One of our teachers, Mrs. Whit, said. We all sat down in our arranged seats. Since it was alphabetical and by last name, the person I was closest to was Dustin.

We sat down and went through a rundown of what was going to happen and that all took about an hour. 

Finally, the actual graduation started to happen.

"Our valedictorian is Michael Wheeler. Unfortunately, MIchael is not here today. He was offered a chance at MIT's early orientation! He is currently there, now, but still had time to write a speech. To say his speech, his sister, Nancy Wheeler, also an alumni, is here to present it." Our principal sat down while Nancy got up, paper in hand.

I didn't know that he prepared a speech. I looked at everyone else and the shock on their faces show that they didn't know either.

"My fellow students, we only arrived here four years ago, and now it's already time to leave. Where did time go? It seems like only yesterday that we were scared and little freshmen fighting with the locks on our lockers, actually, I'm pretty sure a lot of us still struggle with the locks. But now, we are the upperclassmen, the seniors who stand here ready to graduate and move forward in the world. Yet at this momentous time, we can't help looking back.

How do we measure the time we've spent in high school? In the beginning, we measured it in class periods, counting down the day to eventual freedom. As the days and weeks passed, we measured it in semesters, and later in years as we moved from being those clueless freshmen, to becoming sophisticated sophomores who thought they had it all figured out. By the time we reached our junior year, we were confident that we were prepared to take over for the graduating seniors, and we couldn't wait to "rule the school."

And now here we stand. I know that as I look out at all of you, I will measure the time I had here in a much different way. I will measure it in all the friendships I've enjoyed these last four years. The friends I made in freshman year and the friends I made in senior year. I hope that through all the difficulties we've had that we can all remember each other in a loving way. We all faced these hardships together. And when many of our high school memories begin to fade, that is how I hope we'll ultimately measure the time we spent here, not in semesters or years, but in the relationships that we made and the times we shared together." Nancy finished and the claps of all my classmates, teachers, and parents filled the room.

I know the speech. I know it because I wrote it with Mike.

We wrote it in the first few months of the school year. I had told him that he was definitely going to be valedictorian so he needed to prepare a speech to say in front of everyone. Mike may be good at writing essays but when it comes to speeches; I usually had to take over. We spent hours on the three minute speech. 

The next few minutes were a blur. It was all going by so fast. I looked up at the stage and already saw Will walking across the stage. I cheered for him as he received his diploma.

Next thing I knew, I was next to walk across.

"Eleanor Hopper." I smiled as I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, looking at my parents and sister in the crowd. They were all screaming and cheering for me. 

This is a perfect moment.

I am happy. I am okay. 

I did it.

* * *

**SIX YEARS LATER**

I walked into the coffee shop; the bells ringing as I swung the door.

"Hey, J, what's up?" Mario, my favorite cashier, asked.

"Hey, M, can I just get my usual coffee and a...chocolate donut this time please?" He nodded and I gave him the money.

I turned around and went to a table near the window, not paying attention to anything else. I sat down and pulled out my phone while I waited for Mario to finish making my drink.

"El?" A voice asked from across the store. A voice I had not heard in a long time. Six years, to be exact.

A voice that always made me weak in the knees and made butterflies flutter inside of me.

A voice that made my heart dropped to my stomach as I slowly looked up.

"Mike?"

 

 

 

**PART TWO: "BECAUSE I HAD YOU" COMING SOON.**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART 2 TO COME OUT SOON


End file.
